The answer to my much asked question of last month is, "Yes!" The oven did exist! I went to work on Monday morning without an expectation. "Begin and end with Positive thinking", became a phrase that had been reduced to a cryptic crossword clue, the answer to which was, 'posing', used as the synonym 'to impersonate'; impersonating the presence of a stove! Maybe it was "It's the feeling in positive thinking", and the answer was 'sinking'. Perhaps it was all a little too profound for a Monday morning, but after four 'misfires', I had become lethargic! To quote an old nursery rhyme, 'Christmas was coming, and the the geese were getting fat'. Proverbial or not, I had no oven in which to cook them!"Between ten and twelve", Dana shouted through the glass partition. "What is?" I replied, wondering if he was talking about the weight of a turkey for next year. "The stove delivery", came the answer. I shrugged. "Christmas will be here sooner. Geese will get fatter", I responded, and went to make coffee.
As I poured the elixir into my cup, Dana's phone rang. "This is not Edward's number", he said, and my ears started to tingle. Could it be? Okay, so they still had not updated their files to include my name, despite all the phone calls and emails, but they had called Dana rather than text my son-in-law! "Is this ....", and Dana gave the name of the company from whom we bought the item. "Fifteen minutes. Okay", I heard him say. I stood in the doorway, with rising sense of hope, and was rewarded with a positive answer! I almost ran to the car, with my daughter in tow, for 'safety in numbers' sake, and we drove to the house. As we entered the 'turn lane', a truck came up the hill and turned into my complex, reversed to get around the guard shack and then proceeded along the road. I slung the car around the corner and drove into my carport.
"Are you from....?" I asked a forlorn looking man, staring at the dozen or so steps to my front door. "Yes ma'am", he said. I asked if his truck could make it up the hill at the side of my building as the back door could be accessed on flat ground. The relief was obvious. Of course he could get truck up the hill. Why not? I started to wonder about the first delivery, and the excuses made for not being able to get their vehicle, a smaller lorry, up the not so steep slope.
The removal of the old stove, and installation of the new took no time at all. The two delivery men were very jolly, and personable. One liked to cook, and watched all the baking shows. He said that he could not leave until I had made him two pies, and laughed at his own joke. They could not have been more pleasant. I wondered again as to whether I should have checked the first delivery to see if the stove was actually damaged, or if the pictures they sent to 'headquarters' were a 'variation on a theme'. Cynical? Too right! I was handed the manual, which I gave to Samantha, who said, "This can go in the bin. She wont use it!" My daughter knows me too well. It will be a year or two 'down the road', when I wonder, "What does this button do?", and wonder where I put the instruction booklet! I prefer trial and error!
After the delivery men left, I set about determining whether I would actually need the manual. After ten minutes, I had worked out all I needed to know for the immediate future, quite positive that I could now probably get my pilot's license, (at the very least a co-pilot's) as this new appliance has so many 'variables', a rocket ship would be jealous, and congratulated myself on not going for the more sophisticated model as I did not plan to go to the moon anytime soon!
We returned to work and I wrote an email to Natalie to let her know that I now have an appliance, that it works, and that the delivery men were delightful. It seemed only right to give some good news, and surge forward with a new cryptic clue regarding the stove; "Found in positive thinking", with the answer being, "It is the king!" I was happy! So was Natalie!
Of course, my Tuesday morning was spent creating. The bananas in my fridge were almost reduced to essence, and it seemed that if I had just called them to 'heel', they would have seeped their way to the mixing bowl. Mixed spice and cloves were included, and I felt as if I had been restored to 'factory specs'. Mince pies were also made, and placed in the top oven. Two ovens, different temperatures. It made me happy! Small things, etc! "What's new in your part of the world?" I was asked by one of Dana's friends, when he called later that afternoon. "I have a new oven", I said, excitedly. He did not share my enthusiasm, but was 'happy' that I was 'happy'. Natalie did share my zeal. She had emailed to offer me compensation for my experience, and I had accepted, and had in turn offered a 'rating' on the cooker. I raved about its capabilities, and told her what I had made that morning (whether she was interested or not - I am known to always use a dozen words when one will do,) and explained the contents of the traditional Christmas delicacy, to wit, the 'mince pie'. I ended my email with a quote from one of my countrymen, "All's well that end's well". She responded letting me know that she had been 'born and bred' in Scotland, knew very well what a mince pie was, and quoted from one of her countrymen, "There is no such uncertainty as a sure thing". Presumably she sensed that I would not take offense at the irony and enjoy the situation for 'what it was'. In the words of my new countrymen, "It is what it is!" The bottom line was that I had a new oven, and I was entering into a new era! Geese beware!
Geese are renowned, apparently for being less than intelligent, which may be the reason why they end up getting fat and put in an oven. I have never cooked a goose and currently have no desire to do so. However, the phrase 'silly goose', did come into play more than once this week.
"We need to get this sent out today", said Dana, when discussing a paper that had to go to an 'inmate', at a state facility. I was willing to oblige, but before putting pen to paper, and paper to envelope, I checked the mailing address, as so many people get the name or address of the whereabouts of the incarcerated wrong. In this particular instance, not only was the name of the facility incomplete, but the town was incorrect. After a brief search, I found out that the inmate was at a completely different facility. I called the prison where the inmate was supposed to be held, and it was confirmed that he was in another location. I always find it amusing that I have the ability to 'find a felon', when their (usually) ex-spouse does not know they have been transferred. I suppose the clue is in the prefix 'ex'. I called the new location. "Silly goose", I said as I hung up the phone. "Huh?" came a trio of voices from the other offices. I explained that I had called the prison and been told, "The computers are down, ma'am. I can't tell you if he is here, or when he is due to be released." I was a little confused. "Can't she just look at the paper files?" I asked, rhetorically. This reminded me of the time I had called a facility and was told, "Sorry, I don't know much. I am sitting in for my friend who had to take the day off!" Or words to that effect. I did hope that the crimes for which they were incarcerated were not too heinous! It adds a whole new meaning to the phrase, 'Your goose is cooked!' New ovens and unaccounted for delinquents. Diversity keeps us from being dull. New day, same old, same old!
Joe and 'co', thought the banana bread was 'quite good', which means 'very' here, rather than 'almost' over there! That was 'quite' good enough for me.
The week of the 'waterfowl' continued as we were sent on more than one 'wild goose chase'. "But he hasn't anywhere to go, and has no friends", said the client of our client, who had 'lost' her ex-spouse. He was not incarcerated, (I believe that was to the best of her knowledge,) but 'should be at home'. It always amuses me when ex-spouses are confident of the whereabouts of their former partners. "He/she does not go out", or "He/she did not say they were going away". The 'cynical' me wonders if it is a case of 'wishful thinking'. "They can't do anything without me". The 'logical' me wonders if they don't quite get the meaning of the prefix 'ex', but then that perhaps verges on the 'cynical'. From Thanksgiving to Christmas, there are usually a few 'wild goose chases', when we are told, "They will be at the airport sometime this week, as they are going back home for the holidays". Where is home? "Dunno". When are they going? "Dunno". Airline? "Dunno". However, they will be leaving their current residence sometime this week. Where do they live? Same answer! I know it is the season of wonder and merriment, but to use another quote, "The impossible we can do at once, miracles take a little longer". Geese and golden eggs are actually an idiom!
Our new guy, Grant, celebrated his birthday on Thursday, and Samantha did provide a 'golden egg'. Lemon and blueberry cupcakes with (don't blame the parents) 'unicorn poop frosting'. I believe it was made out of cream cheese. (I also believe the 'biblical' unicorn was a rhinoceros, and would not like to see what that 'stuff' would look like on a cake! Too much information? Oh yes!)
Another golden egg was laid by the proverbial goose, this time in the form of a radio station. "You entered the contest....I will email you the tickets". I was not really familiar with the Turnpike Troubadours, but Grant and Jerry were. Golden egg was an understatement! Another happy moment!
The week came to an end and Saturday was all planned out. It was time to decorate the tree along the highway. Grant had heard about this and was eager to join us. He was going to bring his nephew, but said chap was still asleep when his uncle left home, so they would 'do their own' the following day. Samantha drove us to the site, and we adorned the selected shrub with tinsel. Once finished, we rated the surrounding trees and decided that 'ours' was indeed the best. Design, presentation and artistic content all achieved the highest grate. Others failed in one aspect or the other. Some looked as if the idea was good but the presentation failed. Others looked as if boredom had succumbed half way through! We stood back after placing a patriotic bow upon the tree, and took the obligatory pictures.
Grant did not have any plans for the day, and said that he would join us for the rest of our Saturday outing! Little did he know that each weekend is an adventure in itself. We asked if he usually has as much fun shopping, and he replied, "I have never had so much fun, period!" It was both amusing and, if true, a little sad, but we were glad to make his 'birthday week' a happy one!
The Chinese supermarket is always an interesting stop. We got out of the car and made our way inside. "You look like a cowboy", said Samantha, as I walked to the store. Wearing a sleeveless shirt, as it had become warm, but still adorned in hat and boots, I could see her point. "Oh look", said I as we entered the building, "my horse". A small mechanical horse was in the entrance, and I sat astride the toy. "Giddy up", I said in a louder than 'indoor' voice, wondering what Grant was reading on the contraption. Reading he was not. Putting two quarters into the slot machine he was! Off I went on a 90 minute ride, with my daughter and her co-worker laughing hysterically. "Hello", I said, timidly, as a customer emerged from the shop. "Just riding in from out of town", I said to another who looked at me wondering what sort of example I was setting my children, as they continued to howl! At last the horse came to a stop and I got down, feeling slightly the worse for wear!
The rest of our day was considerably less dramatic! Dana and I went out for dinner. I told him about my day, and he told me of his. The restaurant was not busy but had received a large catering order just before we arrived, so our dinner was delayed considerable. However, we did not mind as it was a pleasant setting. No goosebumps, but very enjoyable. My husband's company at a dinner for two was quite enough excitement following a day of adventure!
Around came another Sunday, and restful it has been. I have not decided what to do after I finish at my computer. The overnight temperature drop has ruled out a trip to the pool, and I am thinking I may end up in the kitchen, creating something English to woo the Stateside citizens. Goose is not on the menu!
Although we are not promised tomorrow, I feel certain another week will transpire, and expire, and I shall be given challenges, both regular and diverse. Like the game of 'Duck, duck, goose', I am never sure where the gauntlet will land. It is all what makes this Englishwoman Abroad eager to write ..... another story!
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