PINCH OF SALT!

The saga of the elusive oven continued.  To misquote from yet another great classic; "They seek it here, they seek it there. Those employed by the store known for it's electronic prowess, (a name not containing fruit of any kind) seek it everywhere!"  

Samantha, Edward and her father were off on another jolly.  Vegas for the weekend?  Anyone?  My daughter and her husband did not need to be asked twice!  As they were due back late on Monday night, (in fact Tuesday morning,) I had to make my own way into work.  Confident of an arrival, due to 'upstairs' taking control of the situation, I moved around furniture in my kitchen to accommodate a trolley holding a brand new oven, that was due to arrive between eight and ten in the morning.  I was actually beginning to regain some of the excitement I had experienced when I first found the model!  However, around eight thirty, something started to nag.

"I can't discuss delivery with you, as you are not the account holder.  I can't reschedule.  You will have to get the account holder to call!"  Reschedule?  Really?  After being told despite paying for the item, I had no rights to know its whereabouts, I asked for a supervisor.  Actually, before requesting a supervisor, I asked for Natalie or Angie, with whom I had been speaking earlier.  "Ma'am! I am in Kentucky.  We are a call centre.  They could be anywhere in the country!"  And what a large country it is!  The fourth demand finally had me put on hold.  Apparently, as I was not the account holder, I could not talk to a supervisor!  'Thin', 'wearing' and 'patience', were words that came to mind, although not necessarily in that order!  Brian was the floor supervisor in Kentucky.  Yes, without prejudice, I name and shame!  I thought that being a supervisor he would have access to a note or two on the recent developments.  Ignorantly enough, I thought  he might have access to the method of payment and signature upon the contact.  "There are no notes".  As I was not the 'account holder', I could not know the whereabouts of my range, nor could I reschedule a delivery, nor could I find out why it was not arriving, other than it may not have been 'picked' to go out!  "Picked? I repeated.   Picked?"  I asked if they had a 'pick and choose' option.  Brian could not answer me as I was not the account holder.  Brian could tell me that it was possible that the item shown in the warehouse was the returned item.  "How do you know, Brian?  You have no notes!"  Brian could not tell me this as I was not the account holder.  I was beginning to wonder whether Brian was just someone who was passing when I asked to speak to a supervisor.  I told him that this was intolerable, and the only reason I had phoned was that my husband had received a missed call, and I wondered if it was the delivery personnel.  "Very possibly", he said with confidence.  "No, it wasn't", I replied.  "I would think it was!" he said with confidence.  "Why?  He is not the account holder.  Why would they call him?"  Silence.  Brian from Kentucky had been stumped.  I thanked him for his time, and hung up the phone. However, bottom line was that a stove was not going to be delivered to me today!  

Yes.  It was still Monday!  I decided to try something new.  I called the number originally given to Edward to call, when the first mishap took place.  "Hey, this is Mike", said the cheerful chappy.  "And where are you, Mike?"  Mike was at the national call centre in North Dakota.  Wow, a long way from Kentucky, and even further from Austin.  Mike was very sympathetic.  He had notes, and he was not a supervisor.  Amazingly enough, Mike, who was not a supervisor, could see that I was allowed to discuss my item without the account holder being present! Mike was going to put me through to the warehouse in Austin.  

"Hey, this is Mark!"  Mark was not in Austin.  I do not know Mark's location but it was not in a warehouse!  Mark was part of the 'national call centre' team.  Mike's name went on my list!  Mark was very patient.  Mark had patience enough for two.  Mark said that I could have my stove delivered as early as Friday!  The day AFTER Thanksgiving.  I did not want it Friday.  I did not want it Saturday or Sunday.  I wanted it today, Tuesday or Wednesday.  However, as it appeared they were unable to deliver, before the date I desperately needed the oven, I would wait until next Monday.  "You don't want it Friday? I thought you wanted it as soon as possible."  I sighed.  "Monday, Mark. I want it Monday.  Please!" 

Yes, it was still Monday.  I went for a walk, forgetting that I had my car at the office, and forgetting that I had planned to drive home and walk back to the office.  An attitude adjustment was in order, and I remembered that Thursday was Thanksgiving, and I still had a lot for which to be thankful.  I had various appliances in which to cook my accompaniments, and if I really had to, I could buy a turkey cooker of some sort.  To misquote another one of my favourite sayings, "This (poverty in the original quote) is no disgrace to man, just confoundedly inconvenient!"  

Monday marched on and at two o'clock I had a brainwave.  I would call the original store!  After repeating my story to yet another person, I was told that this was, indeed, intolerable and it was quite understandable for me to be upset and why a case had not been opened on my behalf, she did not know!  If I did not hear back from management by five, then I must call back.  

Yes, it was still Monday, and five o'clock ticked around, and disappeared for another twelve hours.  I had not received a call.  "But you already have a case worker.  It is Natalie!"  Another breakdown in communication?  "I don't understand?" said the young lady on the other end of the phone, when I mentioned this.  "Why didn't you call me back to let me know.  After all, you said there wasn't a case open for me".  I was given Natalie's email address.

Natalie called me within minutes.  "I don't want to put the blame on Edward.....".  I did not explode.  However, the words 'virtue', 'patience', and a couple of connecting pronouns, came to mind.  I remained very calm.  I spoke in my best English accent.  Firstly, I reminded her that when the delivery man spoke to her, I gave her Dana's number to call.  Secondly, when she called Edward (not Dana) she left her name and phone number, no email, and no mention of being a case worker.  Thirdly, when the first re-delivery was not to be, Edward was told to call 1-800 and the shop name.  Perhaps the most poignant reminder was that Angie had said that Natalie had no right to reschedule for the first re-delivery.  How much confidence did I have in Natalie?  I continued.  No, Natalie did not know that when you call her direct number and no one answers, that you get put through to a national call centre, anywhere between here and the border with Canada!  "And, do your products have unique serial numbers, so that you would know if the one destined for the warehouse was the new one, or the old?" Finally, did the stove exist.  I did not want a call to say it was coming between a certain time on Monday, and reschedule for a fourth time, if it was not in the warehouse?  Poor Natalie!  Natalie was silent.  She then apologised most profusely.

Yes.  It was still Monday.  Natalie emailed me to say that there had been a problem, of which her team was not made aware, with the inventory at the warehouse.  She was hoping for a Thanksgiving miracle, but was waiting for her manager to call her.  She would let me know the outcome.  I wondered how they misplaced 'lots' of ranges in the warehouse.  Natalie's team was showing a large amount. I thought of how anyone could take out so many stoves without being noticed, unless they were cartoons and put them under their jacket.  Was I losing the plot?

Before leaving the office, I drafted an email with the history of my experience, and sent it to Natalie.  Perhaps I was a little terse in my wording, suggesting that it was not her fault that the disorganised system had been the failure, and the mismanagement therein was diabolical, and I did not blame her for miscommunication and inadequacy of the company; a company that prides itself on offering the latest in technology.  The words 'steam', 'off' and 'let' came to mind, and I certainly did that, at poor Natalie's expense!

It was finally Tuesday.  Samantha came to collect me, and fell asleep for half an hour, during which time I relayed the saga of my non-existent stove.  

Natalie emailed me first thing Tuesday morning, to say that she was leaving the office at 3:30 pm, and would not return until Friday.  However, her team was aware of the situation, as was her manager, and she promised she would not give me a definite time for arrival until they were sure that an item was available.  I replied, thanking her for her honesty, and wished her a blessed Thanksgiving, as despite everything, we still had a lot for which to be thankful.  She responded by wishing me the same, and hoped my family would have 'full bellies'.  I resisted the obvious!  "I don't have a stove!"

The week was the usual turbulent pre-holiday experience.  Silent for a couple of hours, then "we need this yesterday".  No.  We were not open on Thursday.  No.  We were not going to make exceptions. Other's mismanagement was not our problem.  (However, in my case it really was!)

A very chirpy sounding young man called and left a message on Wednesday evening to say that they 'had eyes' on a stove, and Monday was 'a go'!   The words 'salt', 'pinch' and 'of', came to mind!

My oven behaved remarkably well on Thursday.  Samantha and I took a walk before dinner, chatted to a couple of neighbours, and then returned to continue preparing.  Dinner was cooked to perfection, and the stove did not 'throw a fit' once during the cooking time.  Every pip, drip and blip had us running back into the kitchen to check that all was well.  It is amazing how many different sounds can duplicate that of a dying stove!  I wondered if I should email Natalie and let her know that all was well.  I wondered if Natalie gave me a second thought!  Probably not as well she shouldn't.  

We did not go to Dallas, as usual, on Friday.  Dana did not go to work!  Natalie, it appears, did have me on some sort of list, as I received an email to let me know that all was looking good for Monday.  Salt, anyone? I could have taken delivery of the stove, but I wanted to let the suspense of whether it was real or not drag out for another couple of day.  After all, what is life without a bit of excitement!  Samantha and Edward did their usual thing and came home every few hours for a nap and some sustenance, in the form of left overs that had been supplied courtesy of chez moi!

Thanksgiving Thursday ran into Black Friday and finally Moaning-mother-in-law Saturday arrived.  The day that Edward drives me around, and I sit in the back of the car asking 'Are we there yet?", or 'Can I go home, please?"  I was collect a little before nine, and we set sail for the north!  "Buzz", went the alarm, as we tried to leave the first store.  Three salespeople attempted to look for the security tag that was causing the problem, but failed.  After a fourth attempt, I decided that if my day was to be less fraught than those preceding, drastic action must be taken.  I took each one of our bags to the door, and swung it in front of the alarm.  As none of them made it sound, by process of elimination, (and the salespeople looked at me as if I were a genius, rather than someone with common sense, ) and found the offending item.  As Desiderius Erasmus Roterodamus once said, (no doubt in passing,) "In the land of the blind, the one-eyed is king!"  I don't wish to 'tar everyone with the same brush', but would ask, 'When did common-sense die?'  (Okay, so I had to look up the author!)

The sales were rather less exciting than previously, but I did not have anything in particular to buy.  The young man in the children's wear was wearing an 'I believe' t-shirt, with a 'Santa' effect upon it.  Samantha told me not to tell him, "He is not real".  When my daughter says, "The boy at the checkout looks like he is twelve years old!" I feel very, very old!  "Don't spoil it for him." she warned. "He is so young".  

My list for the day was short and written in a notebook which I put in my back pocket.  We visited two warehouses, after the department store where I was the self-proclaimed one-eyed, (no one else knew what I was talking about, so self-proclamation is, I believe, in order,) and then went to the outlet mall.  I checked out the stove at Sam's, from where I did not purchase the item, and was still confident I had made the right choice, if only in theory at this point!  Upon leaving the mall, I exclaimed that I had lost my book.  I thought I knew where.  "When do you think you lost it?" asked Samantha.  "When I pulled my trousers down in the shop", was my answer!  Both her and Edward shouted, "What?"  I had to explain that it was when I went into the fitting room.  We were all very tired.  However, I was the only one who could have continued shopping, if there was anything to continue shopping for!  

We returned to Samantha's house and unloaded the car, before heading back out to meet Dana for dinner.  Tradition at its best! Dana and I returned home and watched a couple of football games.  One made history.  With seven 'overtimes', it became the highest scoring game in recent history, and kept me awake for longer than anticipated.  Although I had no 'dog in the hunt', I had a preference, but by the time the sixth overtime started, I just wanted someone to win, so I could go to sleep.

Sleep eluded me for most of the night.  I had vivid dreams about the most bizarre things.  Finally at four-thirty, I told myself to stop dreaming, and fell into a deep sleep, which was full of more peculiar elements, but slightly less stress!  I don't remember eating any cheese before bed!  Perhaps it was all those pinches of salt that I keep throwing around!

Sunday morning was a little chillier than Saturday.  As usual on the post Thanksgiving Sunday, I felt a little restless.  Having spent most of the day in the kitchen on Thursday, having some kind of 'adventure' on Friday, and spending nearly all daylight hours in the shops on Saturday, it is hard for me to keep still on Sunday, and as I don't want to risk baking........need I say more!  

I am not holding my breath for the delivery tomorrow, although promises have been made at a higher level.  I hope Natalie had a good Thanksgiving.  I hope Brian, Mark and Mike enjoyed their day.  I hold no grudges.  I do mourn the loss of customer appreciation and basic communication skills.  It is not their fault that they have been caught up in 'the name of progress'.  I hope the only pinch of salt I need now is for a dish cooked in my new stove!  Time will tell in ...... another story!