ELF ON THE SHELF?

It was the week before Christmas and this goose did not have time to get fat as she was running in all directions.  With flights booked, and suitcases out but not packed, it was a week full of deadlines.  Would things go according to my plan?

My plan to get everyone to tell me what they wanted by Thanksgiving did not work.  Firstly, it never works because it is too far from the actual, and perhaps more to the point, I just didn't bother asking this year.  However, I will state, here and now, next year, if all goes to plan and, if I return home over the yuletide season, if nothing has been received by Thanksgiving, then lists are all null and void!  Yes, the 'ho, ho, ho', and become a firm 'no, no, no', or to put it in the words of Dickens, 'Humbug!'

Humbugs are actually on my list of things to bring back!  There is nothing quite like a mint humbug over here, and they are relished, and rationed, when I bring them back.  Candies are not the same as sweets, and although there are many places where you can 'pick and weigh', nothing says sweets like a good old fashioned confectioners where they took the sweets from the jars, stacked on the shelves behind the counter, and weighed out 'a quarter of'.  

'A Quarter of', is actually where I bought a little something for Richard and Steph.  Once again, I am unsure how I got onto the mailing list, but it is a company that provided 'retro' sweets.  The box I ordered was full of sweets from the decade in which they were born, and the intention was to give them something 'sweet' to start the season, before I arrived home, and would have little time to do any shopping for presents, as there is so much else to do on the eve of the 'big one'.  Like I said, this goose is not going to be sitting around and getting fat!

"Fat!  Are you trying to make me fat?" came the comment before the picture of Steph appeared on my screen. The box arrived on Monday, and she was quite delighted, despite the initial comment.  Steph is hosting lunch next Wednesday, and her appointment book is fully booked with clients up until then!  It appears that some things are the same on either side of the pond.  We chatted with Jamie for a while, and he and Dana had their usual exchange of naughty words, also the same on both sides of the Atlantic, with Dana speaking in his Donald Duck voice, as if it is not really him that is encouraging our grandson to use language that is hilarious to a two year old!  I still remain objective!

"Objective!  Yes that is a good word", said my neighbour, when she called to remind me of the Board meeting that was taking place on Tuesday.  Interestingly enough, the two people who have been co-opted, are an Englishwoman, and the husband of an Englishwoman!  I left work early on Tuesday afternoon, and headed towards the place where the meeting was to be held.  It was quite cold, and I entered in my red tartan skirt, red hat, with blue and beige accessories, I felt somewhat conspicuous among the Texan winter attire, which is basically another sweater, and a shiver or two!  I was introduced, first and foremost, as 'English', and then by the number of my unit.  The designated agent, that is from the agency that looks after our properties was told that I was the 'pool' expert, and again said that it was known, apparently throughout the complex, as my pool!  I certainly have made my mark!  Perhaps it would be more of an accolade to be the founder of something historic, like world peace, or the person who put an end to global hunger, but it appears this is my thing!  I was co-opted on to the board, unanimously, and left to go home.  Grant had driven Dana home and they were enjoying a game of pool, (different pool of course), when I walked through the door, still dressed up like a Christmas Tree!

"Christmas Tree.  This is my subtle Christmas Tree dress", I told Michele when I went to have my nails adorned with poinsettiers.  I had left Gail and Joe, after enjoying a rousing conversation and bidding them a happy new year, and other festive felicitations. I had sent Michele a picture of what I wanted done this year, and she set to work.  "I just can't see the lines", she said, as she painted the most magnificent flowers on my nails.  I thought they were amazing, but she did not feel the same.  Suffice it to say, I settled for very red sparkly nails.  Much less ostentatious than my usual preference, but really very sophisticated.  I headed back to the office, and worked for a few hours, offering the delivery guys mince pies, and gingerbread men, which I had made over the weekend, and was peddling as official English fayre!  They seemed to enjoy them as they were accepted on Wednesday with even more gumption than Monday!  I had made Shepherds Pie for dinner (technically Cottage Pie as it was made with beef) as I wanted to have as little to clear away as possible, due to Thursday morning being set aside for packing!

Packing was not easy!  I had my clothes all laid out, and ready to put into the suitcases, but had not realised quite how much I had bought for the boys.  It is the usual story!  I pack, unpack, pack again and eventually leave my clothes out of case, to be returned only if there is enough space.  If only I could persuade that man to come by my house on Christmas eve and pick up some things to drop off at my mum's on Christmas Day!  Although I have heard he has a lot to carry anyway.  However, with Jamie and Dana being so naughty earlier in the week, perhaps there will be more space....! The myth of the man goes along with the myth that I will be able to fit all my clothes into my cases!  Perhaps I could send the extra by Polar Express!

"Polar Express!  That is what I am.  The Polar Express!" said I, as I down the hallway at the office, dressed in my elf dress, with bells to boot!  Samantha and Grant had exchanged gifts, and he had bought her the movie, which she had been complaining she had been unable to watch on any of the vast number of channels her and Edward are allowed, due to his working for the cable company, without paying an additional fee!  Having seen the film once or twice, I did not remember about the bells being significant, until I saw the package that contained the DVD also had a set of bells within!  Looking (in my opinion) like mutton dressed as lamb, with my hair in pigtail braids, and long black boots, and a very seasonal dress, I skipped along using my hands like wheels, as children do when they are depicting trains.  It was Friday, and the majority of the occupants of our building were getting ready to finish for the year.  We had been requested to all be away from the building by five, as construction workers were going to be resurfacing our car park over the weekend, but unusually enough, by the time five o'clock came, there were actually more cars in the car park than usual.  Perhaps there were more 'last minute' things to take care of!  We did eventually pack up and leave, having had a very busy day.  The construction workers had not arrived by the time we left, which was a little past six.  Dana commented on how many people were left, and wondered if he should let them know that they were in danger of having their cars removed.  I reminded him that they, too, received the same email.  He nodded, but could not resist in repeating, "We are late!"

"We are late!", said Samantha as we headed out on our way to the mall.  The outlet opened at nine, and we had to drive another few miles to get to 'Buc-ees', the obligatory stop when we head south on the Interstate.  Buc-ees was busier than I have seen it.  It is always busy but with the holidays fast approaching,, it appears the oversized Texas convenience store is as popular as ever.  Samantha had wanted to buy something for her 'stepmom elect' (as we affectionately refer to her dad's partner, whom we all really like) and I was still amazed at the popularity of this enormous entity!  From there, we went back a few miles north, and parked as near to the far exit of the mall as we could. Full of life, we hoped out of the car and headed towards the first store.  With hardly anyone in the store, I was able to fulfill a couple of items on my sister's list, and we headed off to get a seasonal beverage from Starbucks!

Starbucks was, as always, busy.  However, not as busy as it would be later!  The staff are amazing in that they can pronounce the twenty five words that describe each drink they make, and when they have four or five different flavours and concoctions, this is quite a task!  "Whoca, Mocha, Dasher, Dancer, Donner, minty, sprinty, uncle Tom Cobly and all, for Martha!"  Martha had quite a few drinks to pick up, and when confirming, eventually, that this indeed completed her order, I thought I heard a sigh of relief.  Martha was not the only customer to have several designer drinks, and we waited patiently for ours to be made. With our drinks in our hands, we were now in full swing, and at the point of no return.

"No returns!" was the policy in Victoria's Secret.  "Sales are final!" said the lady when we entered.  We had not yet bought anything.  The previous store had been quite polite, stating that their ninety day policy was only valid with a receipt, and I was sure the item I had bought would be returned!  My sister's list included an item that was an 'unknown quantity', and really needed to be 'tried on' before purchase.  The queue in VS was exceptionally long, as it always is, but there was little to offer in the sizes I required.  For the first time, we walked out without purchasing the non-returnable items.  Although we had our seasonable beverages, we had left one side of the mall having only accomplished two buys,   Leaving the car in our perfect parking space, we ran across the road as the counter counted down.  We had spent more time than we had planned over the one side, but we still had a lot left to do.

"We still have a lot left to!" I said looking at the tine.  The other of the mall is actually longer, but not as compact.  We walked and shopped, and walked and shopped.  Whilst in one of the 'kids' stores, a manager tried to explain how taking off our coupon meant that the price was less.  He did it in a way that was so condescending and verged on rude, that my daughter, who is usually non-confrontational, looked at him, and said in her best English accent, "I understand that", and continued to comment that whilst she was in a children's store, there was no need to talk to her like a child.  I was impressed!  We left the store, and continued on our way. Eventually, exhausted, we headed back to our perfect parking spot.  

"Our perfect parking spot was not so perfect", said Samantha, as I met her at the car, after we separated for ten minutes.  The police had cordoned off the exit, so we had to go around the car park to get out.  It took us about twenty minutes, but eventually we were on the road, and heading towards the mall.

"Headng towards the mall", I messaged my sister as we had failed on three counts.  I also told her that if the mall was as busy as the outlet, we were going home!  However, we did manage to find a parking spot, and were successful with two of the three fails!  The queues were long, but one of us stood in line, while the other shopped.  Finally, eight and a half hours after leaving my house, we left the mall on our way home, and announced that it was a wrap!

"It's a wrap!" said Samantha.  "Christmas is over!"  We would have been quite happy to go home, send all our presents with the man who takes them all over the world, and hibernate for the rest of the year!  Dana had been with the dogs all day, and had not gone into work as the car park was being resealed.  Apparently, the construction guys had arrived, albeit late!  All I had to do was pack my final items, and I would be ready to leave. 

"Ready to leave?" asked Dana on Sunday.  I was not.  I still had some packing to do, but decided not to bother with it on Sunday. I would just have to do it in the morning before going to work.  I could manage that, couldn't I.  Yes, as you have guessed it, that will be ........... another story!