HOME TRUTHS!

A three week hiatus was not planned. The Sunday before Chirstmas was a very long day, which started without breakfast as I could not face food, and ended somewhere over the Atlantic.  My long-suffering husband took me to the airport and bid me farewell at the curb side, where I met Samantha and Edward both of whom helped me in with my luggage. 

The trip to Houston was reasonable quick, and we all entered the (supposedly) upper class lounge, as we had all been upgraded!  Life in the fast lane!  Even though we were going to be enjoying a sumptuous repast on the plane, we chose to sit in the restaurant, which is gratis and see what there was upon to munch.  The four people on the table next to us, consisting of four people, parents and children (would be my guess) were apparently working their way through the menu and had finally come to dessert.  Each person chose one, then chose what the person to their left had chosen, and so on and so forth!  I ordered gazpacho soup, chicken salad and a lemon meringue sundae!  As the thick, cold tomato based liquid was placed in front of me, I promptly threw my phone into the middle of the bowl.  It was not on purpose, but my son-in-law was rather perplexed.  “What’s your mother doing now!” he asked.  Much as my relationship with my son-in-law is second to none, he sometimes despairs and believes that he just cannot understand my ‘culture’, and asks his wife for explanation.  Explanation is normally in the form of hysterical laughter, as was the case this time!  After dinner, I went out to the lounge section and made myself a cup of tea. 

Edward’s face was an absolute picture when the cup fell from the table and smashed on the floor, with fragments of china scattering all over the floor and under the chairs.  “How much have you had to drink, Tracie?” he asked, trying to make a joke of the situation. Samantha was in the restroom, and oblivious to the complete embarrassment that I had caused her husband!  A member of staff, who had been working on her laptop, quickly came to the rescue.  “It’s okay.  I have this. Please, leave it!”  Samantha reappeared.  “What have you done”, she said.  “How much has she had to drink?” Edward asked.  I replied that I had not had an alcoholic drink.  In fact, I had not had a drink of any kind as it had just splashed all over the floor!  Edward tried hard not to laugh.  The member of staff who was working in the corner had emerged from the side carrying a mop. Samantha found the whole episode very funny.  I just wanted to leave and go to the plane!

My neighbour was somewhat late arriving, and Samantha kept coming back up the aisle to see if I was okay.  “Would you please go and sit down, and put your seatbelt on!” I said, wishing to be left alone to get used to my surroundings.  She had not been given a menu and took the one on the seat next to me.  The young man who arrived a few minutes later took his seat and his mother appeared a few seconds later to take a picture.  “It is my first time in first class”, he said to me, somewhat embarrassed by his mother’s actions, which I thought were perfectly natural for a proud mum!  As he looked around, I gave him a guided tour of the seat area, and he thanked me very much and said he may ask me more questions during the flight!  “What are your dinner choices?” asked the crew member, who spoke beautifully in a very English, English accent.  He looked slightly befuddled.  “Have you looked at your menu?” she asked.  “Um.  I have a menu?”, he questioned.  Of course he didn’t have a menu.  The woman two seats back had taken it on one of her trips to the front of the plane, instead of sitting down and fastening her seatbelt!  I gave him mine.  It was the least I could do considering whom had stolen it!

I slept for most of the flight.  I watched one film and fell asleep until breakfast time.  The plane came into land, and we were welcomed by the familiar sound of the ground crew, who dropped ‘aitches’, and ‘tees’.  For me, it makes a perfect homecoming!

Samantha’s dad was just outside the door as we exited customs, and behind him stood Ollie, who had come with his poppa to pick us up.  It was wonderful to be greeted by this little four year old who was so excited to see his ‘American family’.  We went back to Richard’s house, and after depositing a lot of disposable crockery and cutlery, Garry took me back to my mothers. 

Elise took me to Sainsbury’s and we picked up everything I needed to turn the traditional Christmas dinner into an international sensation.  I had promised a green bean casserole, macaroni cheese and cornbread.  We took half my list each and ran around the store trying to find cornmeal and buttermilk, neither of which was easy. 

After a good nights sleep, I awoke on Christmas morning.  It was a very strange sensation not to peel five pounds of potatoes, or lay a table, or truss a turkey, or boil a pudding.  Instead, I spent a very leisurely morning, having breakfast and making my three dishes.  Steph, on the other hand, had a feast to prepare.  It was a little difficult, I think, for my mother as she had been cooking Christmas dinner for the last half a century and she has become rather resistant to change.

Dinner was absolutely superb.  It was a big family affair, with my kids, my grandkids, and my kids father, together with my mum, my sister and her husband with her kids and grandkids.  We ate and laughed and opened presents and spent a good few hours together, before Steph’s mum and her partner with his kids and grandchildren came to visit, along with Steph’s brother, wife and their kids.  If Dana had been there, it would have been my perfect Christmas! 

Lunch at Steph’s grandma on Boxing Day was a more sophisticated affair, although there were a lot of children around.  I sat and chatted with my South African friend, whom I see once a year, and Steph’s auntie and uncle were there with kids and grandchild.  Each year there appears to be one more child!  Steph had brought a game where we had to read a phrase, with a handicap….we had to put a ‘mouthguard’ in, which had the same effect as if you pull your mouth wide, from side to side, with your fingers.  Unable to say ‘b’, ‘p’, ‘m’ and various other letters, it soon became apparent that this was not as easy as it seemed. Unfortunately, my acute gag reflex caused more problems than foreseen and I spent a considerable time attempting to get this thing into my mouth without ‘gagging’.  Unable to read the first sentence, the three minutes allotted to me to read the sentence was spent wheezing with laughter, and unable to control the excessive dribbling due to said gag reflex.  I persevered! 

My son sat at the baby grand piano and lifted the lid.  Soon a melody could be heard all over the house.  One by one, the guests walked in to see who was playing, and one by one they walked out, amazed.  Then each one came back in and ventured nearer to the piano.  His arms were moving and his head was swaying with the music.  Eventually, each person came forward and looked directly at his hands and saw that they keys were not moving!  He had hooked up a couple of speakers at the base of the piano and connected them to a tiny receiver.  You can fool some of the people some of the time!

Thursday more relaxed.  We went to the park.  The children had as much fun watching ‘daddy and grandma’ on the ‘zipline’ as they did going on themselves!   It was quite cold and I had not put on a scarf or gloves, forgetting the damp penetrates through when you are not used to it.  However, it was a great opportunity to get some fresh air and be with the grandchildren! We played ‘Lego’ when we got home, and I sat and watched my son and grandson building a complex which comprised a police station, mountain rescue centre, and apparently a jail!  It was reminiscent of days gone by when I would sit with Richard after Christmas and we would build the latest model to add to the collection!

Mum was not happy with me!  She called at three to find out where I was.  She had wanted to go shopping ‘later’ in the afternoon.  Up until August, ‘later’ had been 4 to 4:30pm, but somewhere between summer and now, the rules had changed, but no one had bothered to tell me!  “It is too late now. I don’t want to go”, she said.  “Okay”, said I.  “We can go tomorrow” was, apparently, the wrong answer.  My mother has become less and less willing to do anything, and Elise has told me to be firm and insist that she move around more.  “I had to peel potatoes”, she told me when I got home.  “Oh that’s good”, was the wrong answer!

Bowling is quite the experience with a four year old and a toddler who is twenty one months!  They seemed to be very fond of rolling the balls down the specially created contraption, and watching them roll along the lane, bounce off the guards, and knock down the skittles.  Jamie seemed to do better than Ollie, but they didn’t seem to mind as long as they hit a skittle or two.  Edward won the game, and I sat and watched, taking a ‘go’ every so often instead of Richard and Matnee, as they were willing to share!  We went to the arcade afterwards and played on the machines.  Matnee, Edward and I were attempting to collect tickets to win a prize.  The prizes were rather weak to say the least, but we managed to stretch out £2 for as long as it took the little ones to get bored.  Matnee swapped her tickets for a slinky and we headed out to the golden arches for another ‘junk’ lunch.  But hey! It’s Christmas!

Shopping that afternoon was an ordeal!  The man who was originally sent to get a ‘scooter’, came back without one, obviously forgetting along the way why he was headed to the other end of the shop. A very nice young lady member of staff saw that we were still waiting and went to find one.  Samantha drove it to the car, and my mother climbed in.  She was lethal!  Toes are optional, it appears, and if they are run over, they will not be missed!  Knees and shins are another thing that should be kept away from her when she is in charge of the motorised vehicle.  “It makes a noise when you reverse”, was the excuse she made when  narrowly avoided who did not move out of her way when she backed up to turn around.  I raced around trying to keep up, and apologised not only for the injuries, but for the attitude.  My mum always told my sister and I that if she ever got like her mother-in-law, to shoot her. I have told my kids that the use of a firearm would not be an option….it would be a necessity!  The shopping trip ended and we headed out to the car, with sighs of relief from staff and customers! 

An evening watching the television was quite relaxing, and I chilled until it was time to go to bed.

The internet has been intermittent again, and I called the provider on Friday.  “Radlett.  Now why does that ring a bell”, said the nice man in Northern Ireland.  “Probably because someone put up a ruddy great big transmitter by the railway tracks, and failed to notice any trains”, said I.  “Oh yes.  That was it.  Some bright spark thought it would be okay to put the transformer by the railway track”, said he!  It appears Radlett is on the map!  I can access emails, occasionally, but other websites are not available.  I was advised to switch services, but it would be better to go into a store to do that, as it could take up to thirty days to send out a new card, etc, etc, etc.  I apologise now to all those people whom I know that I contact through facebook when I am in England.  My phone is also on a restrictive tariff!  The nice lady at the phone company told me that I was not eligible for the 'bundle' I really wanted but set me up with the next best thing.  "Can I have the same on the other number?" I asked,  and was told that would be okay.  However, after all was done, I received a rather irate call from my daughter telling me that the wrong tariff had been put on her phone.  Despite not being eligible, she got the package I wanted!  It was not the package she needed!!  Welcome home!  

Richard, Matnee, Edward, the kids and I got on the bus Saturday morning and went to Watford shopping centre.  Ollie was most excited.  The imagination of a four year old is quite delightful!  He waited until we neared our stop and then asked.  “Can I press the button now”.  The button, being the bell to let the driver know we want to get off at the next stop.  “In a minute”, I said.  “What about now?”, said Ollie.  “What about now? What about now? What about now?”  The patience of a four year old leaves somewhat to be desired!  We spent an almost an eternity in the Lego store, before heading out to Poundland.  The Dollar Tree but in English!  I did not purchase a great deal, but I was in Watford, and enjoying wandering around old haunts.  If I cannot make it into London, proper, Watford will do.  Although the history does not compare, it is still nostalgic. 

We returned home, by bus, and Ollie and I stomped up the stairs to sit on the top deck.  “Can I press…………”.  No! 

After spending a little time building some more Lego and watching my younger grandson colour in a picture of Spiderman, using both hands to hold the pencil, and succeeding with left and right!  (Apparently, his parents could have ‘gifted child’ on their hands, according to experts.  What a pleasure for a grandma!) 

I headed to Costco to meet Elise and met Matnee and Edward who were there with Jodi and Will!  I was not expecting to see them, and when one of the staff was leading me to find some apple and blackcurrent squash, a young girl came around the corner, arms spread ready for a hug.  It took me a second or two to see it was Jodi, and the lack of stripper boots on me did not deter her enthusiasm!   I thanked the man who checked my receipt and enquired as to his well being, and wished him a happy new year.  "We don't do that here", said my sister, with a smile.

Home I went to make dinner, and spend the evening watching television, before rising early on Sunday to lay the table and get lunch ready, with a variety of disposable items so that everything could be thrown away! It was hard work, but not as bad as it could have been. Then I took my mother shopping. (Because we needed absolutely nothing!)  She used her walker-trolley as I thought it would be good for her to have a bit of exercise.  I did not ask if they had a scooter, as I respected the customers!  However, despite the walker being less offensive than the motorized scooter, the problem, as with a lot of cars, is 'the nut behind the wheel!'  I wandered around, keeping my eyes on the ground, as I am not allowed to speak to people in the shops!

One week in England, and I  was definitely not ready for 2019.  I think that the last year in the teens of the new millennia seemed to be ‘too far forward’, for my liking!  Still, time and tide etc!!  Matnee and Edward left for North Carolina the day before New Year's Eve, and arrived Stateside late in the evening.  They were staying with Edward's parents for a few days before heading before the beginning of the first full first work week!

The Internet, or lack of, caused the lack of posts, but sitting at the airport, with two hours to spare and time on my hands, I thought I would chart some of my antics whilst in Blighty!  With the call to board imminent, I hope to be able to report some of the funnier highlights of the remainder of my trip, and first week back at work in this, a tale of two(ish) cities and would wish all a very happy, healthy and prosperous new year,  Until we meet again, in .............. another story!