BOSSY BOOTS!

I was not quite sure how to take the news given to me on Monday morning.  It appears, by default, that I was 'in charge'.  Chairman, Pro-tem!  

There was little activity by the pool on Sunday, but it was not surprising. The water was considerably cooler than it had been three weeks ago, and the clouds took some time to depart.  The only people I saw were my next door neighbours, who are made of strong stuff, like myself.  The husband is from North Carolina, where the weather has been known to be less than kind, and snow is not an uncommon feature come winter time, and the wife is quite literally 'made in America with British parts!'  Her parents are Scottish, and the apple has not fallen far from the tree. Although pure born and bred Texan, she hails from the 'north' with fair skin and the most amazing Texan accent with a Scottish twang.  Or is it a Scottish accent with a Texan twang?  Either way, they were brave, but not brave enough to get into the cool(er) water!  We chatted about our recent 'getaways' as they had travelled to Switzerland and France, and then we read our books, independently.  I was embracing the fact that Autumn was upon us, and the swelteringly hot summer had departed as abruptly as it had arrived.

Despite my body clock's resistance to adapt to my surroundings, I got into routine on Monday and was surprised at the progress I made. I was more productive than usual!  (Or at least appeared to be.)  I went into 'auto-pilot' and was completely finished by the time it came to swim.  Upon my return, I spoke to Raul, our maintenance man, and one of my neighbours, who announced that as the majority of 'the board' were away, I 'was it'!  Raul concurred.  No one had actually thought thought of telling me but it appeared that this decision was made whilst I was 'mid-air'!  

The news, when I got it, was not exactly taken in my stride.  I looked at both Raul, and my neighbour, and blurted out, "But I am just the pool monitor!"   I stumbled up my stairs to enter the condo.  I told my woes to Samantha, who simply stated, "But you are just the pool monitor!"  Exactly! 

I arrived in the office with a rather large grin on my face.  Dana questioned my exuberant smile.  "Looks like y'all cannot manage without the English, after all", I announced, continuing to express the tendencies of Alice's Cheshire cat!  His face formed an expression of a question mark.  "Boston Tea Party, July Fourth, and all the other statements of Independence, have been dropped, in favour of the Englishwoman".  The question mark became became emboldened and underlined.  "I am, 'in charge'". I announced.  "Just refer to me as Chairman, Pro-Tem".  Perhaps the next statement confirmed just how ready I was to denounce all the aspects of the separation from the Crown.  "Why me?"  

Being 'in charge' was not really a 'job'.  Obviously, unless a vacation is taken in a remote part of the world that has no electricity or twentieth century (it does not even need to be twenty first) electronic engineering, with an ability to access the internet no matter how antiquated, you are never 'out of touch'.  Our esteemed chairman is, apparently, in France. The secretary was in Michigan.  Neither place, as far as I am aware, is without modern day technology, and neither person is without a phone!  However, a holiday is a holiday, and should be respected!  (Even if it is at thirty eight thousand feet above the earth, heading back to reality!)  Being 'in charge' was not really a 'job', as much as an 'expectation'.  We have a 'board' and a 'Chairman' and to that end, someone appears to be 'in charge'.  I decided that the situation was 'what it was' and I would do my very best!

As it happens, my first 'duty' came during the morning. An email was sent to the board, and managing agent, about a fracas that had developed over the weekend. The email was not unexpected, as my neighbour had indicated this was how she found out that I was 'it'.  Apparently, a couple of new tenants had made their presence felt, by indicating that they should not have signed a lease as room-mates, as they obviously did not get along as well as they had perhaps thought they might!  My first reaction was, "Do they not understand the rules of Stepford?"  Our idyllic little neighbourhood had been infiltrated with squabblers!  It simply would not do!  It did appear that the miscommunication between the two previous 'best pals' was more than just a quarrel.  A woman was at the centre of the row!  Not that I am one for gossip, (or at least not more than a couple of portions a day,) I asked if the information could be a little more precise, all for the sake of keeping the peace, you understand!  Of course, my neighbour, and Raul found my sudden interest in condo politics rather amusing.  I was about to respond to the email, asking what, if anything could be done, or indeed, how to address the situation, when three of our board members, all of whom were out of town, and obviously not in that remote part of the world that has not quite fathomed Tesla's methods of light conduction, came back with exactly the same request!  It was recorded that a note would be sent to said violators, and I was satisfied, in my new roll, that this was a reasonable action.  I did not actually respond to any email, but considered my silence to be a vote for what was suggested.

The broken chair, that was noticed when I went for a swim at the end of the day, was promptly removed from the patio, and placed in the shed.  A mental note was made to tell Raul in the morning.  Was this the job of the Chairman Pro-Tem, or merely my usual menial task of being 'pool monitor'.

Raul found the whole episode thoroughly amusing.  He told me that he had visions of me 'walking the property' late at night, making notes of all the things I thought would need attention!  I told him that I had taken my torch and spent about three hours looking into every nook and cranny, making judicious notes, and taking pictures.  "You did?" he said, in great surprise.  "No!" I answered with a wry grin!

Back to normal as I was, I continued with my regular tasks during the week, and enjoyed the attention I received.  "Did you go home for the funeral?" was the question on everyone's lips!  I explained that whilst it was a very 'special' time to have been home, I had made my plans about a week before the announcement of the passing of our beloved Queen. "But you would have gone, right?" asked some.  At one time I may have found this line of questioning to be amusing, and focussed on the fact that whilst England is small, it is quite over-populated, and really not that small, but instead I took great comfort in realising that people here really do think we are 'that' close.  It was a sense of belonging to something very special.  In reality, I would not have booked to come home for 'the' funeral, but I was glad I had made plans.

"Can someone please tell Raul" came the command rather than a question.  It was an email from our managing agent, with a message from an owner.  There appeared to be something amiss with something outside his unit.  A 'newbie', he was not sure of the 'protocol'.  Perhaps 'politics' would have been a better word, but then I had only been in the 'job' for a couple of days, and it was, after all, temporary!  Who was I to make comments of an inflammable nature! The email was noticed an hour after it had been send.  I responded that I would pass on the message to Raul in the morning.  The response came quite quickly.  "I thought Mike took care of this, already", said our agent.  "I shall stand down, then", I retorted.  I walked into the kids office.  "Honestly, there is going to have to be a reshuffle at the top!" I announced.  "Here I am, trying to do the job to the best of my ability, and I am dealing with 'right hand, left hand', and bad communication".  I could not hold in the laughter, as the faces I encountered looked in amazement, and confusion.  I explained the situation.  Did they want me to 'pro-tem' or not!  Delusions of grandeur were not actually setting in, but my penchant for sarcasm was definitely shining!  I remembered my parents talking about the 'tin pot generals' who would be on the PTA, with absolutely no authority, but perceiving themselves important.  A little bit of power... etc., etc! Perhaps I was not so much Chairman pro-tem, but Chairman tin pot!  I returned to my desk and had received another email.  "No, Mike is away. Please get this message to Raul".  I acknowledged said email and responded that I would do this thing that was asked of me. Another email arrived from our secretary, saying that she was away, and Mike was away and could I see that Raul gets the message.  I responded, again, that I would.  Obviously, all were not in the remote parts of the world that lacked a signal.  "Ma'am, you are on vacation. Don't worry, we have it covered" came back the managing agent to the secretary.  I wanted to say that I was still on vacation when I was voted to be 'tin pot', I mean, 'pro-tem'!  Actually, I wanted to say, "She is on vacation.  Why respond at all!"  I said nothing!

I gave Raul the message on Friday morning, as promised.  He looked at it, and acknowledged that he would 'take a look'.  I stood back. Job done!  I could do this with my eyes closed!  Easy!  When were the rest of the board coming back?  

The question was, could I go shopping on Saturday morning, and leave the grounds unattended.  Would a conflict break out that no one could cover?  Would the community divide, or would we be conquered by another condominium association during my absence. What if a neighbouring community hear that none of the board members were on site?  Of course, my penchant for sarcasm has not left me, and the answer to the original question, is (in perfect English) "Leave off!"  

Meeting my neighbour on Sunday morning, I asked how was the situation in her 'block'.  Another lady was walking her dog and had stopped to chat.  "Oh, it was nothing.  Haven't heard anything.  It was probably just a one-off".  "So, it looks like I put the National Guard on standby for nothing!  Here I was, taking my roll seriously, and now I find it was nothing more than a 'one-off'!"  I did not actually say this, as sarcasm is a dish best not served around these parts.  Instead, I smiled and said nothing.  I would survey the property and report back to the managing agent in the morning, should there be any anomalies.  

All's well that end's well.  At least I think that is the case.  I saw our secretary driving down the road on Sunday morning.  Thank goodness I can take off my tin-pot!  What a week.  The pressure was starting to get to me!  I can now go back to being pool monitor!  However, it appears that she was having an 'open house' today, and wants to sell her unit!  Will they ask me to take over as secretary?  I shall have to decline.  After all, by the time I was 'sworn in', (appointed,) I could have brought the entire defense corps down to our little haven!  Will they ask?  It may be the topic of ...... another story!