If there is one saying that applies to me more than any other, it is, (obviously, a misquote,) "You can take the girl out of England, but you cannot take England out of the girl! I am, if nothing else, a traditionalist, and a great 'armchair' sportsman. (Or woman!) My wit has been perceived in many different ways. Some consider me funny; others have no idea how to take my comments, or understand not a word I say, but I always smile so they generally do not take offence. During the collegiate football season, my humour is rather diverse! I am not sure how many others are thankful for that!
From a young age, I perceived that choosing a side was rather important. My dad and one of his brothers supported one team, whereas their younger brother supported their arch rival. However, all enjoyed a 'good game' and despite supporting two teams, (your team, and whichever team was playing your arch rival on any given day,) a game could be enjoyed for its quality. However, I digress, slightly, (and shall continue on for a bit to give a brief background to my story,) for effect! Choosing a side was something that my paternal grandmother insisted was a 'must', just before the 'Oxbridge' annual boat race, sometime in the late 1960's. She chose for us, due to the colour of our dresses. Mine was dark blue, with white stripes on the sleeves, my sister's white with lighter blue stripes. I would support Oxford, and my sister Cambridge. Cambridge won that year, but I have never waned! Thus the need to support a team! During the University of Texas' bleak season a few years ago, I jokingly changed my allegiance to a lesser known team (lesser known in these parts) and started to follow the Kent State Golden Flashes. Their record was abysmal, but I cheered for them each week! If they scored at all I considered it a victory! I would joke with Jerry, one of our servers, that I had been offered the job to coach them. He had asked what experience I had, and I told him it was all in the 'running and slamming'. It was how you ran up and down the side lines with the clipboard in your hand, and how you slammed your cap down on the floor when they erred. I told Jerry that the method would prove to be successful, and that I had been called to coach coaches! Last Saturday, the Golden Flashes beat the Zips. The Akron Zips had held the top spot in their particular league for a while but like the mighty Longhorns, they were suffering a lack of wins! As the week started, and Jerry walked into the office, I played "We are the champions" rather loudly!
I had swam on Sunday, and although I had my suspicions, I was not quite ready to concede that it would be the last of the season. Watching the temperatures rise slowly, but not too high on Monday morning secured the deal! In my long sleeved dress, and ankle boots, I stood with clipboard in hand, and cap on head, and reiterated the importance of the 'sideline moves'. "It's in the flick of the wrist, as the cap is removed. You need to understand this. The boys and I have worked hard on this maneuver since I took over as head coach, and this weekend proved it". Jerry, bless him, could not stop giggling and for someone who has, in the past, had trouble knowing whether I was being serious or not, saw the humour. Jerry is an ardent American football fan, coaches little league baseball, is a hunter, fisherman, and proudly presents himself as a true Texas redneck! Jerry often states that he has never met anyone quite like me, or my daughter, and it is meant as a compliment!
Despite being able to converse in 'football', I am not fully conversant in all things American. Sometimes the right words cannot be found. I am not sure how thankful I was when I attempted to converse with the "Chat" option offered by a certain parcel delivery company. I had sent back my new wetsuit, but it seemed it had not arrived at its destination. Using technology, I brought up the carriers website on my screen and continued to the 'Help' button. "Would you like to..." came the multiple choice question. Of course, multiple choice, if you do not know the answer, is a gamble, and with four options, one must be correct. It appears I got the answer wrong. "Email", "Chat", "Phone", "Text". I opted for choice two, "Chat". This 'multiple choice' test, however, did not just tell me that I was wrong. It led me down a path of shame! "Ha! wrong! Should have chosen something else! Dummy!" Perhaps those were not the words used, but by the end of my conversation with the "Chat" person, it would have been kinder and quicker to use them! I asked how I could find out when my package would arrive. "On the 'expected day', that is given on the tracking". I responded that I was not waiting to receive, but had sent something back. "Would you like to "Email", "Chat", "Phone", "Text"? You would have thought that getting that question wrong once, would have made me try a different option. "Are you a glutton for punishment?" Yes, No, maybe, don't know! Yes! I tried again. "I returned a package. When will it arrive". I provided my return reference, to no avail. After several attempts, I responded, "Are you actually reading what I am writing?" It appears that whatever, (rather than whomever,) was chatting, did not understand at all. "It appears I am having trouble understanding you. Would you like to "Email", "Chat", "Phone", "Text"?" Well, obviously, number two was out! I would try multiple choice selection one! "Sign up for an account and we can try to help you". Option three?
Eventually, I got through to someone on the phone,, after failing the multiple choice questions several times, and having to say "Back" more times than it took the throwing of the cap to make the Golden Flashes champions! Finally, a person came on the line. I explained my predicament, in that I had taken the package to one of their outlets, had been given a tracking number, but it appears it was somewhere between here and the next county over, and had not even started its journey back to California! "Hmm. Have you called the place where you took it to?" I was a little bemused, and less than thankful for the option, as their own website said it had left that particular facility. "Hmm, well I don't know what to suggest". I kindly pointed out that he was the 'help desk', and if he didn't know what to do, then who would. "Hmm, well I don't know". Serves me right for getting the multiple choice question wrong twice!
After calling the facility to where the package was first dropped, and finding out that it did reach the main hub in the next county, I called the wetsuit company to see if they had any idea as to its whereabouts. "Oh yes, it is here, but we have not yet processed it". That was all I needed to know. I wanted to call back the parcel service and let them know, but I did not have a couple of hours to spare!
The short work week was typical. Erratic for part of the day, and silent the next, then just as you thought everyone had left for the holidays, a flood of emails with papers needing to be served 'now' clutters the inbox, and everyone's 'early start to beat the traffic' is now stalled! I had decided to prepare a 'finger food buffet' for the four of us on Wednesday. I knew I only had two guests for dinner, and thought it would be fun. Of course, I did not answer the multiple choice question correctly. "How much time does it take to....", with the options, "Too long", "Not long", "Too long", "A bit more than a regular meal". Having two "Too long" options should have clinched the deal, but I was (obviously) not thinking straight. The more I thought of what I wanted to do, the more things came to mind. I made a coffee and almond cake on Tuesday, thinking it could double up as a dessert on Thursday. Of course, the problem with a 'finger food buffet', or at least what I wanted to make, meant that most of it had to be made on Wednesday! I did learn the technique of hard boiling eggs in the air fryer though! Brilliant! Perfect! No sarcasm, it is ingenious!
Apart from the buffet, (small as it was going to be,) I had to prepare the turkey! The lady on the telephone line at the post office call centre must have been 'on loan' from the parcel company! "You didn't pay for a return receipt". I responded that I did, I always do. I have been doing this for seventeen years, etc., etc., etc. "But you didn't pay for a return receipt". I wondered if I was talking to a recording. She continued to explain what I had to do to get a return receipt for a piece of mail sent by 'certified mail'. I continued to explain that I had done all of that. "But you didn't.....". I gave up. After twenty minutes it appeared I was going to have to be thankful for her time and move on! I called again, and got a different representative, who was a lot more polite, and somewhat more helpful. She listened! Apologising not only for her colleague, but for the whole of the United States postal service, she was able to at least point me in the right direction, and understood my frustration! I felt somewhat more thankful!
Wednesday evening's 'buffet' was quite the success! Smoked salmon pinwheels were very creative! Pates and dips, with sausage rolls, trout rissoles, cocktail scotch eggs and a variety of cheeses with melba toast and cheese sticks, together with three types of bread, proved to be the feast. I was happy! I even made some Welsh Rarebit, which was a hit! Amazing how something so simple can be so effective, and take "Too long"!
Bertie the Turkey was in the oven by eight on Thursday. He was rather huge! Samantha arrived as I was on the third round of washing up. She had brought the dogs with her, which was not the plan, (or not my plan,) as I had some of my dishes, uncooked, on lower platforms. Dana had gone into the office for a couple of hours, and returned to take charge of the animals, whilst my daughter and I, literally, took a hike! We walked up to the next neighbourhood, up hill and down dale! I felt much better when I returned home.
Dinner was lovely. Delia Smith, the English cook/chef/wonder woman, did us proud! I followed her instructions for Bertie the Turkey! However, I am not sure how many people she has for her (Christmas) dinner. "Once you have turned the oven to a lower temperature, you can sit back and relax". What about everything else? Are you just eating turkey? I didn't have a multiple choice selection for that! Relaxing was not an option!
One of our (other) servers was going to be alone, and had told Dana that he was going to Luby's (a cafeteria) for lunch. For the first time in seventeen years, we had an unplanned guest! The offer is always there, but never taken! The five of us ate and the clearing up took forever! However, not only had we done a good deed, we were thankful for our lovely dinner, and the chance to share! It was a lovely afternoon.
Dana and I went out for breakfast on Friday, and enjoyed the peace and quiet! We went to a movie later in the afternoon, and enjoyed 'round two' for dinner.
at nine fifteen, after the depositing of the dogs to Dana! We did not have a particular plan, but hit the usual Saturday morning places, as well as a few others. I nearly bought myself a pair of outrageous boots, but after trying them on, came back to reality. I would either break my ankle or my neck if I tried to walk too far in them! Instead I opted for an equally age inappropriate pair, which were of a lower heel and quite the hit with all the younger women who saw me trying them on! Sometimes I just don't care! For that, I am truly thankful! Edward scolded me everytime I opened my mouth, just in case I was moaning. (All in jest of course! I am very thankful for my son-in-law.)
The weekend came to an end, or at least to a Sunday morning, which to me is the slowest day of the year. No swimming, no cooking (left overs still in abundance) and no shopping! Everyone is tired out! I met a couple of neighbours on my morning walk, and we said a dozy 'hi'.
I shall wait and see what next week brings. I have decided to give up (at least for now) on winter swimming, as the walk too and from the pool is really the problem, when it is too cold, and no matter how many layers I put on when I get out of the water, I am still wet! I shall use my time in the garden, and doing all those projects I do not have time to do because of the strict regimen that I have imposed upon myself in the warmer months! December looms, and so does ...... another story!
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