As the 14th of March was 'proper' mother's day, I had to find a card and send it overseas to make sure it arrived in time. I was late! Sending the card out on Monday was somewhat of a gamble as the postal system here has been running a lot slower as of late, and whereas I assumed my mail would be put on a plane in Houston, it appears it has to be 'bussed' to somewhere further afield. It may arrive on home soil just in time for the American Mother's Day! However, the thought was there! It is not that I do not think about the day, it is because there are no reminders!
The 'rule' that was adopted by the Supreme Court regarding language on writs out of certain courts was meant to be adhered to as from the beginning of the year. However, gone are the days when the town crier would stand in the market square and shout, "Hear ye, Hear ye". In fact, I am not sure they ever had a 'town crier' here. Instead, a directive is sent, and sometimes overlooked. Dana had given me the 'ruling', and I have been sending excerpts to clerks who have asked to see it. The reactions I have received have been quite diverse. Some have looked it up for themselves, some have asked me to let them know the 'rule', and some have asked me to send them a 'copy'. "Please help", said one of our clients, when a clerk would not listen to her, and refused to put the new language on the writ. "Let me, let me!" I said, excitedly. It had been a long, hard day, and I really wanted to exert some of this 'in betweenness' to let out some steam! I was very polite. "I just spoke to y'alls office", said the offending clerk. "Mine?" I said with a little less force than the beadle in the original movie 'Oliver', when the little boy asked for "more". "Miyin", was perhaps nearer the pronunciation. It worked! Now, please do not misunderstand. I am not generally forceful for the sake of being forceful, but when I know I am right, and it is a matter of life and death. (or in this case, having a law suit thrown out on a technicality,) I will make myself heard. The clerk recoiled, slightly, and then mumbled. I asked, "Would you like me to email a copy of the directive?" The "Yes" was quite subdued. There was no "please", nor a "ma'am", but the job was done, and I felt like the conquering hero!
"Can you work your magic", I was asked the following day. It would be a challenge, as the next clerk, apparently, wanted the 'directive', to be handed to her on a plate! She would only adhere to the alleged change if it was given to her personally! Where was that town crier! I was ready to make my way up to the courthouse of that particular county, dressed in red and black, with my hair in curlers, as I would not need a wig, and shout whilst ringing a large bell! It occurred to me that I would be better of not to wear the traditional costume, but perhaps a pair of jeans, white shirt, boots and Stetson, and instead of shouting "Hear ye, hear ye", I would bellow, "Y'all! Listen up!" Perhaps I should make my suggestion to the state's highest court! Perhaps not!
I realised that my second challenge was also not completed. I had not sent, or arranged to have sent, any flowers! I always send flowers to my mum on 'proper' mother's day! It seemed to have crept up on me this year, as I did not put it on my list of 'holidays', as is my usual practice.
"Hello. My name is Tracie", I told the clerk. "I wonder if you would be so kind as to help me .....". Giggling is always a good sign. It means I have their attention. "Oh, that is so nice of you to say so", I gush when they tell me that my accent is 'so cool'. I feel sometimes I should have some 'flash cards'. Why say one word when twenty five will do! That is my motto for everyday speech, so why change it when trying to get things done!
I was not sure the word 'manipulate' was accurately used, when it was suggested my methods were indicative of using ways to control the situation in order to get what I wanted done! As it happens, it does not always work! Sometimes, I can hear the unspoken words, "What does she know. She's not American!" Other times I am asked a hundred and one questions, just so they can 'hear' the accent, and in those cases I oblige as if I in a competition!
"To download your pass", the email began. The annual SXSW festival had been dubbed 'Couch by Couchwest', as it was going to be virtual. How do I get my quota of pens for the year if I cannot go around the various stands, engaging people in conversation and being offered swag? Obviously, I enjoyed the interaction, but attending an online discussion group is not the same as an in person event, where you can walk out with a bag of goodies, and have people ask, "Where did you get that?" Of course, it did not stop me from entering the contest! I have won tickets before, and anyone who remembers reading a post from many moons ago, will also remember the methods used to secure them for Samantha and Edward. I did not manipulate the girl behind the counter. I merely made her understand that I was not someone with whom a hip, young up and coming star would want seen in their audience. That is unless I wanted to be in the hip, young up and coming stars audience! (This post is digging a deeper and deeper hole in my defense regarding non-manipulation!) The young girl behind the counter had agreed that they could have the tickets, the full gold star, all inclusive tickets, if they arrived at her booth before five. It was tough as they were on their way back from somewhere, (I recall not where,) but they got there and picked up the golden passes! Back to this year. I looked at the schedule and was surprisingly excited at the prospect of seeing some of the acts, despite not in person, but like the virtual 'meet and greet' evenings I have enjoyed, these are unique performances. I downloaded my pass!
"No way!" said a clerk after I had emailed her the new language, and she had called me to make sure she had it correct. I pointed out that she had missed off the last sentence, which indicates you can access a website for more information. "I thought you put that in for me to look at the amendment". She then went on to say that the website, (and she did not say this was her opinion, but I would be willing to testify that she forgot,) was a bunch of bovine excrement! I must say it made me chuckle. "Okay, hon, I'll send ya another one!" and she did! I still laugh at the thought of communicating with court officials in such a 'matter of fact' way. Driving past a courthouse in England always made me nervous! The seemed to be such ominous places!
The man in the taco restaurant was very happy to see me. "I remember you. I wish I had an accent". As usual, I was very gracious, and told him that he does have an accent, and it is just as becoming as mine to foreigners. He was very excited. "Guys, I have an accent!" he shouted. He was too excited to notice his co-workers' ambivalence.
Our shopping trip was quick. Samantha wanted to get home to do some 'weekend' things, and I wanted to 'pressure wash' my sun room. Now that it was ready to be a real patio, I wanted to make sure the floor was clean. As we were leaving Sam's Club, I noticed a phone on the floor. My daughter took it from me and pressed the screen a few times, before finding what she was looking for. It was an emergency number that could be called without unlocking the device. She gave it to me. "Hello. I have found your phone". I said, very plainly, and very clearly. "Huh", said the person on the other end. I repeated my sentence. Perhaps I was too much 'Michael', and not enough 'Liz', or vice versa! I tried again. Samantha took the phone. "I have your phone....I guess it belongs to the person whose number just called you....I don't know....did you see the number.....oh it's your wife's phone." She looked at me and shook her head. "We found it by the shopping carts....I don't know how it got there....yes, I guess she must have dropped it...I am at Sam's....okay well I am in the car park....okay, I am in a red truck....okay, so where should I meet you". Obviously, I could only hear one side of the call, but it appeared the man was still confused as to how his wife could have lost her phone by the shopping trolleys! All's well that ends well!
The pressure washer could not be manipulated by an accent or anything else I had to offer. As usual, I started the job in the middle, started to move things, and then realised that I was making more of a mess than cleaning the surface! I started from the beginning, again after about an hour and moved everything to one side. I had forgotten to purchase a new broom! Mine had broken last week, and it was not very easy brushing with just a broom head! I had no idea how long it would take. The more I sprayed, the more mess I seemed to make. Eventually, I managed to get rid of all the 'up-splash', and got into a rhythm. It was not perfect, but it looked good. We headed out to meet a friend for dinner!
'Proper' Mother's day was upon us. Richard had visited my mum, and Jamie had chosen some flowers to take to her from me. When I spoke to her she said she had received the flowers, and had been visited by the family. She had enjoyed her morning. My card had not yet arrived!
"What's that noise", I shouted down to Dana as I heard what I thought was banging on the door. "I thought it was you!" he said. "Someone's at the back door". I could not think who would be at my back door, but as I came down the stairs, there was Samantha. In one hand was a card and gift bag, and in the other, a broom, covered in ribbon curls! I was so grateful! She never lets me down! In the gift bag was a small tin. "Spirograph!", I shrieked. "You were talking about it the other day", she said, "And it is the 50th anniversary". I was so excited. Dana was astounded. He had no idea what it was. I sat down and started to 'spiral' patterns. I was 10 again!
A little later, Richard called, and we chatted for a long time. The boys came and went, and then I watched them play for a while. Steph was cooking dinner, and we were all in their kitchen, having a lovely morning!
Next week will be a little bit of a challenge. Grant is out for three days, and whilst I know my daughter can cope in his absence, I may have to bring out the 'in betweenness' again! I hope I do not have to do it too often. I am sure that all the clerks are now up to date with their 'amended rule language', and they will not need a precocious foreigner telling them how to alter their paperwork! Sometimes it's fun being an Englishwoman abroad, and sometimes it is a challenge. Challenges are always good for ........... another story!
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