NEITHER RIGHT NOR LEFT!

The flat pack adventure began!  Illustrated instructions are all very well, and no doubt universal, doing away with the language barrier that I confront on a daily basis!  However, sometimes, the two dimensional men are not coherent!  They are also very, very argumentative!  I have spent several minutes asking them to explain exactly 'how' something is supposed to fit into the gap that is non existent, and they insist, yes insist, it is correct.  I fast forward to the next section to see if they will show me more, but they do not and when I return to the original point of contact, they are standing there, hands on hips (yes, literally, hands of hips) insistent upon their original word.  I would go so far as to say they are indignant!  "Who are you shouting at?" Dana asked.  "The fellas that are telling me to put a screw into a piece of wood that does not have the corresponding cavity!"  There was silence for a couple of seconds, then the response came.  "Are you sure you have the right piece?"  Of course I was sure! "What about that piece?"  Okay, so they took it, and hid it while I was not looking.  Funny guys!  You can almost see the erased sketch of the two of them giggling!  They are incorrigible!  I hate flat pack instructions!  They are so smug!  

The bookcase was almost completed.  All that was left to do was to hammer in sixty nails.  Oh sure, I was going to use all sixty across the back in one line.  "You will need", said the left man, who communicated through hieroglyphics.  He had neatly drawn three things.  A screwdriver, a hammer, and a pencil.  The screwdriver, however, had a cross clearly marked underneath.  I assumed that meant I did not need the tool.  "Why bother putting it there?" I asked, loudly.  "You haven't drawn a wrench, or a spanner, or a scythe!" (The last item suggestive that he was really not someone anyone wanted to see, and should leave the drawings to his friend, the right man, who appeared to be less offensive!)  "Why would you tell me what I don't need!  Ridiculous!"  Admittedly, I liked the idea of the hammer.  I use a hammer even when the pictures put a line through it.  Sometimes, a hammer is essential!  The pencil was intriguing.  Why a pencil?  I looked at the booklet, and came to the part where the back is to be 'nailed in'.  Mr. Left took his pencil and drew two marks on each side of the frame.  I did the same.  However, when I placed the backing on to the ledge that was to hold it, I could not see where the markings were.  I looked again.  Quite clearly, Mr. Left had drawn the marks on the ledge.  Mr. Right had been erased, but I saw him with his hand over his mouth, pointing at me, and his shoulders shaking.  I marked the edge, rather than the ledge, and saw where the first nail should be.  "You want me to put sixty across there?  No way, Jose!"  I drew a line across the back of the backing.  I hammered in about twenty nails. It was a good thing that I did not use all the nails as the backing was not secure.  I had to nail in each corner and then tack the sides.  I used about fifty nails in all.  Mr. Right was still laughing!

With the bookcase now ready to accept books, I had to move the other two that were already full of books, to their new home.  I was reorganising the abyss.  The lack of upper body exercise when I do not swim becomes apparent when I take on tasks that involve heavy lifting.  Sometimes I call Dana, but when I start a project I usually like to see it through by myself.  Of course, the other reason I do not call my husband is that I am a 'doer' rather than a 'thinker', and whilst I think my projects through, I 'do' before 'thinking' about the next step.  Dana is a 'thinker' and will not see the efficiency in my way around a potential problem.  

My Sunday afternoon was spent unloading and loading.  I called Samantha.  "There was only one bookcase like this in the shop, wasn't there?  They didn't have an alternative?"  She concurred.  There was only one of this particular style and price.  "They have changed it!"  The third bookcase was a different style and colour.  The two I had were brown, this was black.  The first two did not have a closed top, this one did.  There was probably a problem with the design of the first two, or perhaps, there was a problem with Mr. Left!  He probably drew a picture of a scythe and put a cross under it!  The manufactures probably received complaints!  It mattered little, as I put the 'odd man out' in the middle.  

Success was moderate.  I had managed to 'reset' the furniture and make a lot of space, but I had not really discarded anything.  The theory that anything you still have boxed, and in the loft (attic) after two years, will never be used is total nonsense!  The item that you have been meaning to fix and have left on the side for eighteen months, does not have to be 'binned'.  I can state, categorically, that anything that I have had, sitting around for the past sixteen years, that has never been used, will be needed.  I can state, categorically, that if I throw it away on Sunday, I will be looking for it on Monday! Perhaps I am unique!  I doubt it!  However, I digress.  I moved books and things and made a new room!  It is still the abyss as it contains too much of Samantha to change!

A new week started, and I headed out for my walk.  Samantha's alarm
had gone off, but apparently her apparatus was on silent, so it did not wake her.  She was late.  I walked alone!  It was a pleasant morning.  It was a fairly uneventful day.  I knew I would be walking alone on Tuesday, as Harry, the younger dog, was going to the vet!  He had been skipping and we were all (yes, me included) concerned about what could be causing the abnormality.  The wait was excruciating, and eventually, Samantha called the surgery to find out what was going on.  It appeared they had been very busy, and had not yet found time to call, but all was well!  I decided to take some time off and go with my daughter to collect the pup.

Having never really kept an 'appointment' diary, I had quite forgotten about the meeting I had on Tuesday evening.  I was not happy!  I had things to do!  The abyss was my first priority on my return home, and now I was going to have to delay action until after the call with my fellow board members.  The other problem was that I usually hide myself away in the third bedroom, and compute from there.  The third bedroom was full of things that had been exiled from the abyss and had not yet been given rite of passage back into the newly organised (former) laboratory!  Arriving home, later than anticipated, I had to set up my system.  Climbing over boxes and things was complicated. Finding a socket to put the plug was impossible, and moving anything 'out of the way' was just not going to happen!  I arrived at the meeting rather late.  In fact, I arrived shortly before the end!  It appears I was not missed!  I did not get a 'there she is' like others receive when they appear.  It mattered not.  I am happier being a silent partner; an invisible source!  I say less than Mr. Left!

My walk on Wednesday was a 'non-entity'.  I saw the pool guy, and stopped to say "Hi".  We chatted for a while, and before I realised quite how long I had been standing in the cold, my alarm sounded, and it had been thirty minutes.  It is amazing how much of 'nothing' can be said in thirty minutes!  It was good to know he was doing well, and had a good Christmas.  He asked why I was not swimming and then told me that if he had seen me, even in my wet suit, attempting to get into the pool, he would have pulled me out and put me in a straight jacket!  I found that amusing!

Before it seemed we had time to take a breath, it was Thursday.  I was raring to go when I got home from work.  Samantha and Grant were 'working out' in my carport, and I was 'organising'.  I got a call to say they were going for their 'cool down' walk, and I headed downstairs.  "I found some more of your things", I said to Samantha, and asked when she would like to take them.  "You have that?" said Grant, excitedly to my daughter.  "No!" I interrupted.  "I have that!" I said.  I continued asking my daughter when she wanted to take the rest of what I had found.  "You have that also?" said an excited Grant.  "No!" I interrupted again, "I have that also!"  Apparently, the things are useless without an old game consul, but it appears Samantha had the old version at her house.  "Wanna come over and play?" said Samantha.  "No!" I interrupted.  "I will buy Grant the old version and he can take it home!"  The two responses were, "Yeah, that would work", and "No.  You can't be giving away my stuff!"  See, I was right.  The theory that anything you still have boxed, and in the loft (attic) after two years, will never be used is total nonsense!  However, it has still not, and probably wont be used!

Friday came and went.  Saturday afternoon was beautiful and warm.  It started out quite dull and damp, but the sun came out around two and I sat by the pool for about forty five minutes.  The water was still very cold!  Yes, I dipped!  I had lost a bit of gumption to continue organising in the afternoon, and actually napped for about fifteen minutes!  I vowed to pick up where I left off, on Sunday!

The wind is whistling this bright Sunday afternoon, and I am still debating on whether to take an hour 'off' before restarting the never ending task.  I have promised myself that I will not move things from one place to another today, but actually throw some things away. I was contemplating what to do when I took my morning constitutional earlier, but realised that the theoretical space I was making just meant that I not actually ridding myself of any rubbish!  Of course, all I have is not rubbish, it is all, yes all useful!  Who knows when someone might need....!

The vigour I feel at the moment may wear off.  Thankfully, I have put Mr. Left into the bin.  He was one thing I did rid myself of!  Him and his giggling counterpart.  I am sure I will see him again as I want to buy another cupboard. I am a glutton for punishment!  I wonder what pictures of things I do not need he will draw for me next time.  I am sure we will continue our heated debates on what is, and what is not necessary.  I am sure Dana will keep his distance as usual.  Strangely enough, he has never said, "Do not argue with my wife!"  Perhaps next time.  Perhaps not!  However, it did promote the phrase my husband often uses, to wit, "Life is never dull around you".  I take it as a compliment!  What will I rid myself of today?  Time will tell in ........... another story!