GRANDMA! WHAT BIG EYES YOU HAVE!

 I saw it!  I haven't seen one before, if my memory serves me

correctly, but I saw it!  A snake? No.  An eight legged creature that lives in the crags and apparently is not dangerous, despite it's bad rap?  No!  Seen both of those.  It was a coyote!  "Don't get many of those in Hertfordshire!" No, you don't!  In fact, the wildest dog I ever saw, in my previous tenancy, was the one that owned the teeth that bit me when I was eight, and he wasn't really wild, just playful, (so I am told,) and ran after me when I ran, and bit when I screamed.  For years I was convinced it was my fault!  I broke the golden rule.  When a dog runs up to you, don't run away! Who's golden rule?  I think it was my parents.  They had been told by others, who had been told by others.  However, I am rambling!  'In Hertford, Hereford and Hampshire, hurricanes hardly ever happen!'  Something else that 'hardly ever happens', or never happens, is a coyote sighting!  But!  I am in Texas, and both hardly never happen!

The email was precise.  "Do not feed!"  Apparently, there was a coyote with mange spotted at top of our property.  Personally, I do not know that I would have got close enough to the animal to know whether or not it had a 'condition', let alone a specific illness, but apparently it is quite obvious by its tail.  Again, I am not going to wait for it to turn around so I can inspect its tail.  I saw its face, and walked away. "Make a loud noise, and it will run!"  Which way?  I was not going to test the theory!  I did that once before, when I was eight! So, the coyote with (apparently) mange was staring at me.  Feed it?  Are you mad?  That would be like giving milk to an ocelot! (I have not seen an ocelot either!)  However, it appears that if a coyote has mange, it becomes hungry for human food (or is that human for food!) and tends to come out during the day for comfort.  Well, this Hertfordshire exile is not going to give much comfort to a canine with or without mange!  "Not dangerous to adult humans".  Really?  Nor are tarantulas but would I bring one home with me?  Not likely!  (I know one of my friends will be shaking his head now, wondering why, but most will not.) Not encouraging the coyote would not be a problem!

England was experiencing a heat wave.  "It's in the nineties", I was told.  It is strange when you see the nineties as being bliss!  "It got up to 99", said my sister when I spoke to her during the week.  Oh how I wish, I thought!  What we would only do for 99, as the temperatures soared to 106.  It was not hot, it was sweltering.  "Must be nice to live in a hot climate", I used to think, along with my countrymen.  Well, here I am and wondering why I had those thoughts.  Hot climates come with negatives.  Coyotes, snakes....cockroaches!  Of course there are cockroaches in Hertfordshire.  Most sightings of which I am aware are from disgruntled restaurant goers, who call the health department to inform them of an infestation.  Personally, I never saw one when I lived in England.  However, I digress, or do I?

The sightings of the coyote were being emailed.  "Another sighting.  It seems okay, but...".  But what? It's a wolf!  Remember red riding hood?  I am waiting for the email that says, "My grandma spotted the coyote".  I would have to respond to that one.  "Don't visit her!" and "Don't wear scarlet!"  Or "Check out the size of her eyes". Am I paranoid?  

I returned from taking out the rubbish and the odour hit me as I

walked back inside.  I was not quite sure what it was, but it was familiar. I had been out for a while, as something had got into the dumpster and tossed out some of the trash.  (Yes, I used those words!)  Probably a raccoon, also not native to Hertford, Hereford or Hampshire, it looked as if an animal had been searching for food.  I doubted it was a coyote as they do not burrow. I came back to my shed, took my shovel and broom and proceeded to clean up the mess.  "What is a flip flop doing in my lounge, with a tissue under it?" I asked.  I recognised the smell as I saw the shoe.  "Um", came the answer.  "Where did it go?" I demanded.  Three faces looked at me.  Grant, Samantha and Dana looked down.  "Behind the stereo", said Dana.  "Told you!" said my daughter. "She would have got it!"  I looked at them as if I were looking over my glasses, and picked up the shoe.  There is a knack to catching a cockroach.  I don't always succeed but my success rate is high.  As I rose, I saw it.  A familiar sight.  I saw it.  Climbing up the wall was the defiant creature, that had escaped death by spray, and was probably heading towards somewhere safe.  Not on my watch!  I went to the kitchen, got my special cup, my stepladder, and a piece of card.  Everyone moved.  The roach was trapped under the cup, the card slid under, and then both were removed, and walked outside.  I could not see what was so funny about me stamping on the creature when I let it go. (Yes, I killed it!  It was swift.  It didn't feel a thing!  It was anesthetised remember!)  However, I returned to three people laughing, having all taken up position to see the show!  "Told you!" said the other Englishwoman in the room!

Scorching temperatures maintained their strength, and although we did not pick straws to see who was going out to check the mail, it was heading that way!  We hoped the postman would deliver before midday when the heat was not quite as zapping.  The coyote would probably be searching for water, and maybe risking sunburn during the afternoon hours.  I wondered if I should warn the elderly ladies in our community, although they seemed to be the email senders!  I went across to my neighbour to take her some dinner and knocked on the door.  There was a delay in her answering.  I knocked again.  "Oh, how wonderful!" she said, when she saw the box.  Her eyes widened.  "Oh grandma, what big eyes....!"  No, she was definitely my neighbour!   I said I would have to find someone else to feed when she left, and she said I could always come and visit.  I promised I would, but was not sure that she knew how far away she was moving. 

"The wolf is at the door" took on a whole new concept!  It quite literally was.  Admittedly, the animal did look rather forlorn and even a little scared.  I was not fooled.  It was probably lulling me into a false sense of security, just as I did to the cockroach.  It was not going to trap me in a cup!  

Shopping on Saturday was slow.  No one moved quickly, not that they do as a rule, but they were slower than usual.  I managed to upset one cashier.  I did not mention coyotes or cockroaches.  Perhaps it was the heat that made me so arrogant, and I will blame it on the heat for his confusion, as I am kind!  The bill came to $13.99.  I gave him $24.  He looked at me and then back at the money.  "You gave me $24" he said.  "Yes", said I.  "It's too much".  I responded in the positive.  I was tired.  I had grandmothers to protect.  Heck, I am a grandma!  I realised I was on the 'hit list' of the wolf! The cashier was still confused.  "$24?"  Hmm.  "Yes!"  Hmm.  He put it in the till, and then stared at the $10.01 change.  He stared for a few seconds, and I smiled.  He looked at me with contempt.  Perhaps I had made him late for his maths lesson.  Yes, I was hot and bothered, and a bit tired!  I'm a senior.  I have earned the right.  Remember the old ladies at the bus stop?  Who pushed to get on?  Not us kids.  Umbrellas and walking sticks became lethal weapons and they always managed to board first.  "Let the old people go first" was a warning, not an order!

Dana and I had fish and chips for dinner on Saturday evening, and I got dressed up to go out to the restaurant.  It was delicious. Dana had dressed(as he says) to match me.  He wore a nice white shirt with a pair of slacks.  He looked very smart, but he noticed a mark on his sleeve.  "Don't worry.  No one will see", said I.  He tried to wash it off.  It made it worse.  "Don't worry.  No one will see", I said. (But Grandma, what big eyes you have!)   I wore a new top.  "I love the neckline", said my husband, and I was quite pleased with it too.  "The back is quite fancy as well", I said.  It was.  It did choke me a little and I did tug on it.  When I got home, I noticed that I had worn it back to front.  I told Dana.  He was disappointed as he really liked the neckline!  "Still", said I, "We managed to pull it off.  No one saw the stain, or noticed my top!"  Hmm. "Or they were too polite to mention it", said my husband!  No cockroaches, though.  No coyotes.  Just dinner!

I saw it!  I haven't seen one before, if my memory serves me correctly, but I saw it!  The animal that the grandmas had been talking about.  I saw it Sunday morning.  I looked, I turned.  I walked away.  I was not going to feed it, comfort it, speak to it, or acknowledge it.  Not this grandma!

We are promised rain tomorrow.  Perhaps promised is too strong a word, but it is a possibility.  Cooler weather is on the charts, but again, how much cooler?  A drop of six or seven degrees will seem like bliss, rather than blistering!  I am sure the wildlife will not complain to a bit of relief either, although I am not going to engage in conversation with them.  I do not plan to build a shelter for the coyote anymore than I plan to give euthanasia an option to a cockroach!  What will be will be, and that will all be in ............ another story!