HONEY, I MISS YOU!

It has been rather a devastating weekend.  One of my 'new life' attributes has departed.  Little Frank passed away on Saturday night.  I apologise in advance for the less than amusing story that is my post, but I feel it may help me to process.

Remembering my first though about having a dog, and stating "no way", followed by, "This is a new beginning; why not?" I had no idea that I would give my heart to the little quadruped; but I did!  In fact, everyone did!  The Fed-ex guy who delivered on very rare occasions, would call from his truck if he saw us walking, "Hey Frank". He knew not our names, and was not interested.  Our regular Fed-Ex guy would call him as he opened the door, and he would come running, and sit waiting for a treat.  Frank never 'sat' for anyone.  In fact 'sit' was a word that he totally ignored, along with 'stay'.  We called him 'the naughtiest dog in the world', because he was so cheeky.  Another delivery man came to the office a few weeks ago, said he remembered 'us all' being downtown, and 'where's Frank?"  Our old landlord, on 6th Street, who stipulated on the lease, 'no pets', would bring him treats!  But I digress.  One aspect of my 'new beginning' was now at an end, and one thing, oddly, kept coming to my mind.  It was the Bobby Goldsboro song, 'Honey'.  "And now my life's an empty stage".  Well, perhaps not empty, but a little less full!

Although he had been diagnosed as 'terminal' some eight weeks ago, Frank showed little sign of wanting to give up, and although the vet had suggested euthanasia at the time, he appeared to get a new lease of life.  He wanted to play frisbee.  He wanted to play ball.  He barked at everyone as they came in, as they left, as they walked past, as they sat in their car.  Normal behavour.  His appetite was weak, but when he did eat, it was better than us!  He had pieces of steak, which he wolfed down (no pun intended!) and enjoyed specially prepared meals, which 'grandma' put together in the hope that it would entice him.  He showed no sign of defeat and up until the beginning of the week, despite being rather thin, was still very alert and reasonably active.  

It was raining for most of the week.  Each time I considered going swimming, the clouds formed and lightening streaked across the sky.  We would go out at lunchtime, ponchos in bag, and walk along the road, avoiding puddles.  Frank did not accompany us, as he did not really have the energy, nor the calories to burn!


Samantha was on a mission on Monday to get some organic chicken.  She had seen something about a dog being diagnosed and its owner refusing to give up.  Apparently, the diet worked.  Nothing to lose, right!  I was quite exhausted, due to the emotional battle raging, and wanted to encourage my daughter.  New life, new beginnings, new things to try.  

Before we hit the supermarket, we went to the post office, as she had a package to send, and I had to buy stamps.  "I can take you here, hon", said the lady behind the counter.  "Hey man, you next?" asked the next cashier, to the man who was next in line.  I smiled.  This was Austin at its very best.  Although, 'politeness' is always extended with a 'sir' or 'ma'am', other forms of endearment are regularly used and accepted.  I know this is repetitious, but it played a big part in my life this week.  I was a little melancholy and was thinking about how different things would have been if I had never arrived here.  Obviously, I have no idea what my life would be like, but I know I would not have a dog!  It is a certainty.  "See the tree how big it's grown", sang Bobby, in my head.  "Hey girl", said the post office employee, who had said her "bye, hon", to her previous customer.  'Girl' approached the desk, and the first question was, "How them grandbabies?"  I replied that the boys were doing great, but did not mention number three (or number one in age) as she was not aware that I had an adopted quadruped.  I did not know if she had a pet, and can very much understand how people who do not have pets, do not understand the emotion.  I never did.  

We headed out to the supermarket.  I had to smile at the check out, as two women were being very gracious.  "No, I am so sorry.", said one, about which I know not.  "No. It was my fault", said the other, and they continued to apologise for something that was probably very trivial.  I was waiting for them to 'hug it out', when they finally released the 'blame', and could continue with their life.  There was no anger, no animosity, just very "Stepford".  "That's what I like about Texas", I sang in the tune of the "Dairy Queen" commercial.  We walked back to the office, and Samantha carried Frank out to the front, to 'take care of business'.  "See the tree how big it's grown, but friends it hasn't been too long....."

"And a cloud passes overhead, and cries down on the flower bed.....".  The clouds gathered on Tuesday and the rain flooded in.  We were watching the news about the latest hurricane, Florence, as it was due to make landfall on Thursday, and Edward's parents were along its intended path.  The news was not good as it was purported to be a category four storm, and this would mean catastrophic consequences for many.  Our new guy was not at work when we arrived, as he had been sick all night.  This was a little bit of a blow, as we were beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel, work wise, and I was able to catch up on some projects that had been put on the 'back burner' for too long.  However, it was only for one day.  Frank was happy to sit alongside Dana, atop his desk, and barked, albeit slightly less brightly, at everyone who came into the office.  

I went to Joe on Wednesday, and then to have my nails painted.  I enjoyed the respite a little too much, I think!  I did not fret about the time, and did not feel I was 'wasting' valuable hours when I could have been at work.  I was carrying an emotional suitcase that would have weighed far more than the allotted allowance at the 'check in' desk.  Samantha had been sending me 'whatsapp' messages on a regular basis, and my heart sank a little each time my phone 'pinged'.  However, not all were about the canine, and not all were of a negative nature.  "He has eaten some more", was a good sign.  "She was always young at heart...........", sang Bobby.  That, I thought, is my daughter!  

Grant, our new guy, was not in again on Wednesday.  Whatever it was that had attacked him, was taking longer than anticipated to leave.  I tried hard not to let this be added to the emotional baggage, but as we walked to the supermarket to get some exercise, the rain started to pour with a vengeance, and I found it difficult to keep up with the pace!  

We were a full house on Thursday.  The rain stayed away for a while, and I did contemplate going swimming, but we were so busy, I did not get a chance to take a break until around two in the afternoon, and that was too late for me to leave.  Frank was showing signs of being a little agitated, and Samantha was asking my opinion on what to do for the best.  However, as usual, he perked up a little and the anxiety left. 

Friday was not a bad day at all.  Despite Frank's bark being very limp, he responded to all.  His tail wagged, albeit weakly, and he lifted his head each time I came into the room.  Samantha and I decided to walk back to my house, and see if the weather was warm enough to swim.  If not, then we would have had a good walk.  Instead of walking up the hills and through the woods behind our complex, we chose to walk along the path on the opposite side of the road, where there appears to be no pavement, and make our way along the edge of the road.  The steel barriers that go around the bend in the road were set into about a three feet flat piece of concrete, which gave way to a steep slope.  We walked along the flat pieces, behind the barriers and managed to make it to an opening, where we climbed over the barrier and headed across the road to the entrance of my complex.  We were quite delighted with our progress!  Once inside the house, I tidied up some laundry and when Samantha had finished doing what she was doing, we left.  Walking back was somewhat more difficult.  The main problem was not being able to see the traffic as it rounded the bend in the road, so we had to walk back down the road in order to get a decent view.  When the road looked clear, we ran across, just in time to see a police car come around the corner.  I panicked.  It is probably not quite legal to do what we did, and I know I am admitting it on here, but I hope that my one time (and it wont happen again - along this road) lawlessness, will be excused, especially with mitigating circumstances.  I could have quoted Bobby; "I surprised her with a puppy...........".  Well I didn't surprise her, it was Frank that picked Samantha, by crawling on to her lap and falling asleep.  It was actually for her birthday and not for Christmas, and there was no mention of the puppy's life in the song.  However, my emotional baggage could be brought forth as a 'mitigating' circumstance. I clearly was not thinking clearly when I embarked on the inbound journey!  

As I had no intention of being apprehended, we slipped into the neighbourhood that is behind the steel barriers, and walked along the road.  Samantha spotted a path (well sort of path) that led, supposedly, up to the road and we took it.  Richard called at that moment.  "Where are you?" he asked.  "Hiding in the woods", I told him.  We were not particularly good outlaws!  As we emerged from the trees, on to the pavement which was on the bend in the road, we realised that the jury were going to have to take 'other' things into consideration.  There was a large 'No Trespassing' sign on the tree that was on the side of the path from which we had just emerged.  As if to add insult to injury, the rain started to tumble down.  Our conversation to Richard lasted all the way back to the office, as did the rain.  

I was not looking forward to Saturday.  I had one of 'those' feelings. Samantha called to say she was on her way, and that the dog would not stand at all, and that he had not 'been'.  She had dropped him at the office, and Dana had taken him inside.  We did our weekly shop, and I was pleased to be able to let her deviate from her hardship.  She had not slept as Frank had been quite restless.  The conversation had veered to taking him to the vet, and I think she was considering a visit on Monday morning, as he was now showing visible signs of discomfort.  Up until now he had been somewhat responsive.  After our mornings hiatus, we returned to the office, and collected the ailing pup, and she drove me home.  Instead of leaving straight away, she came in and sat on the sofa for a little more than an hour.  Dana arrived home just as she left.

"And it was in the early spring (autumn) ......... he went away," I heard Bobby croon.  I was not particularly hungry on Saturday evening, but we headed out for something to eat around seven.  I received the 'ping' to say that he was not swallowing, and his legs had locked.  I did not reply.  I tried several times but could not.  It seemed like he ready to go.  She then asked if they could bring him over to us.  We left the restaurant and arrived home shortly thereafter.  Samantha was sending me messages to let me know where they were, and as they pulled up behind my house, he apparently took his last breath.  

"One day when I was not at home ............ the angels came". Bobby sang it so well.  The once vivacious, bounding, cheeky little puppy was laying on his bed, looking somewhat peaceful.  We talked, we cried, we decided that we needed to sleep.  We all spent the night under one roof.  Sleep was fitful, and it was hard to believe that an animal whose breed normally survives for over twenty years, had  only lived for ten.  I am sure there are many parents who have asked the same question about their children.  Once again I would say that not having had a pet, the concept of feeling such pain was alien to me.  

"Now all I have are memories......".  Once again, I apologise for the less than 'quirky' post, but thank you for accommodating my emotions.  Just like in the song, I have memories where Frank lived and Frank played.  He chose Samantha and we could not do anything but love him, naughtiness and all.  And yes, Frank we will miss you.  Our lives will go on, and you will get to be in .......... another story!