DON'T TRY THIS AT HOME!

I do not remember a week like it! Unlike the proverbial saying, although it came in like a lion, it did not leave like the lamb.  It did not leave!  I came home at lunchtime to swim, and then again at the end of the working day, but I had to go back to clear my desk!  I did not clear my desk!  The projects were still mounting up, but there has to come a time when the lights need to be extinguished, and the brain needs a rest!  

It was the same on Tuesday.  I had made a banana bread loaf, which was basically a fruit cake with banana, and was trying to get cleared away when Samantha arrived to take me to work. I wanted to arrive slightly earlier than usual, so that I could have a head start.  The early phone calls started, as usual, around 8:15, and the first few were all recorded solicitations.  "Hey, this is John from home security".  Then there was "...Rebecca.  We see from our records that your car warranty is expiring".  After fourteen years, one would think it had already expired, but I did not feel the need to let her know.  It also appeared that an investigation bureau, of the national variety, wanted to let me know that there is a break-in, (and they do not mention where,) every three seconds!  How nice of them to give me the information, but with fourteen hours of work on my desk, I did not have time for statistics!

Raul was going to visit his mother, and told me that he would be away until the end of the week.  I found it amusing that he should want to let me know, as I am one of many homeowners, should there be an emergency.  We seem to have developed a rapport, probably because of our non-national heritage, and our sense of humour is rather similar.  He was visibly touched when I invited him and 'the Mrs', to the neighbours' soiree, albeit he was busy.  He said that his wife was going to join him on his trip, but she would not be much company, as she fell asleep as soon as she got into the truck.  I told him that this was what 'elbows' were for, and acting out the 'nudging' gesture with my elbow, I said it was the fittest part of my body!  It got the most exercise!  He found this to be very amusing!

That evening, arriving home very late, I heated up dinner.  After we had eaten, Dana helped with the clearing away, and proceeded to pour things into the sink, and asked me to turn on the waste disposal.  It immediately ground to a halt.  I pressed the 'reset' button but to no avail.  The new 'high end, super-duper, heavy duty' appliance, has jammed twice since it was installed.  

Wednesday morning started early.  It was going to be a challenging day.  It was Dana's birthday.  This was not the challenge, despite my 'failing' in all areas.  I had not bought a card.  I had forgotten to get everyone at the office to sign the 'staff' card, and I had not reminded Samantha, who is usual the 'oracle' so that she could think of a suitable theme for a cake!  As Dana had requested she 'get' him lots of presents, but then said he did not need anything, she wrapped up several of his own things, and gave them to him, thus killing two birds with one stone, so to speak! The week had taken such a toll already, it gave me little time to think of anything but work.  I had a nail appointment at nine, and I had to go to Joe, as I had not been for a few weeks, and our coffee supply was diminishing.  The work would still be there tomorrow!  

My morning started in a way that I have been told it should not.  I put my hand into the cavity in the sink to see if I could find the source of the jam in my appliance.  It was not turned on, so there was no chance of anything too bad happening.  I found the culprit.  A metal nozzle, used to pipe cream, had fallen down the sink, and jammed itself in to the appliance, quite tightly.  I used an Allen key to try and budge the thing, but it was too sturdy and would not bend.  I thought, perhaps, some wire cutters would help, and tried to dislodge it using said tool.  It did not move.  I would have to garner the help of another person, one whom like me, did not adhere to the instructions and was willing to 'try this at home', rather than get a 'professional' to come and help.  However, time and tide waits for no man, and I had to get across town.

The traffic was fairly light, and Joe and Gail were enjoying some homemade bread and jam and chewing the proverbial cud.  I joined them for a while and then headed back along the main road, to get to my nail appointment.  The new location is quite a bit easier to get to but I did get into the wrong lane of traffic, making my journey slightly longer.  A lesson to be learned, and one that I should have remembered from past experience!  

I drove back to the office, where there was a lot more work waiting for me, but I chose to ignore the pressure!  Samantha had been most creative.  Dana has been receiving a lot of calls asking for advice and is known in his industry as 'The Guru'.  Whilst this was not a self-proclaimed title, he often refers to it.  Samantha, ever wanting to chastise and belittle, (in jest I would add; they are quite often the depiction of what has been referred to as 'bad husband and wife',) decided to have a little fun.  "He thinks he is the 'big cheese', so I shall make him a 'big cheese'".  She did!  It was rather clever!  The 'staff' card had been signed by all, and the 'happy birthday' celebrations were taken care of very quickly.  Dana does not 'do' birthdays!  However, he was more than a little delighted with the grandsons' face time rendition of 'happy birthday'.  

Lunchtime came, and I swam.  The trip took slightly longer than usual, as I elicited the help of my daughter, to dislodge the nozzle from the waste disposal.  Wire cutters, pliers and other objects with 
'grabbing ends' were used, and eventually, after about half an hour, the nozzle was cut and I was able to 'jimmy' it out, by using the Allen key.  The only casualty was a cut to my thumb, obtained when I had initially felt around to find out the cause.  We returned to work and I was quite pleased to have the disposal working again.  If only I could do the same with my oven, but I fear electrics are beyond my capability.  If it were a vacuum cleaner.....!

Steph had sent some beautiful pictures for us to put into a card for 'Poppa Dana', and Samantha was going to use the 'spoket'.  I did not know what a 'spoket' was, but it sounded good!  "It's the printer.  I can print the photos for the card", she said with a sigh, as she thought I should know exactly to what she was referring.  

I arrived home Wednesday evening, went for my swim, as I am trying to make the most of the lighter evenings, and returned to my unit.  Dinner was ready to go into the oven, and I had desserts prepared.  With only four to cater for, it was not much of a challenge. I started to write the card I had bought for Dana; the one I had not given him before he departed for the office, as I did not want to add to the pressure, and make him late!  I then took the photos and had to glue them into place on the card.  I only had super glue.  It was in an unopened tube.  I could not get the grip on the nozzle to penetrate the metal that covered the top.  Yes.  I committed the ultimate 'no-no'.  I put the nozzle on the tube, and used my teeth as a vice.  It was only when my tongue stuck to the roof of my mouth did I realise that the nozzle did not need to be snipped to let the glue out!  Amazingly, I did not swallow!  I had, quite astonishingly in hindsight, decided to take care of this task by my (newish) sink.  Immediately upon recognition, I turned on the taps and started to gargle with water.  The glue started to congeal, and I managed to scrape quite a bit from the roof of my mouth, and my tongue, but my teeth appeared to have bonded with the solvent and did not want to have it removed.  I used toothpaste, and brushed for a considerable time.  I used mouthwash, which was a stupid idea, as it burned my already raw tongue.  I prayed!  "Seek medical advice" was not an option.  I don't think I swallowed any, but what would a doctor do?  Tell me to watch out for signs of abnormality?  I had the signs of abnormality before!  I squirted the glue into my mouth!  Was that not abnormal enough!  I just didn't have the time.

After spending a long time attempting to remove the particles that were loose, I went to the kitchen and drank some milk.  I had always been told that when ingesting poison, either drink salt water to make yourself sick, or as in this case, if it would cause more harm to expel it by causing it to pass through the throat again, drink milk.  Apparently, there is something about the lactose that protects the stomach.  I remembered that much, as I was drinking from the carton (my mother would be appalled) in haste, and recalled that since moving to the USA, I purchase the non-lactose milk as it stays fresh for longer!  

I peeled the willing pieces from my fingers, after I replaced the 'useless' milk back into the fridge.  I was sure I would be okay.  I think my pride was more injured than my person!

"Why did you need glue?" was the first question asked by Samantha, as I told her about my folly.  "You just had to peel off the plastic film on the pictures and it is sticky".  Memories of my childhood flashed before me.  'Blue Peter', one of the only children's programmes we had on our television sets, contained my previous twenty four hours in every show.   They always made things using 'sticky back plastic', and stated 'always get an adult to help you with the dangerous parts', such as gluing!  Other programmes, the more 'daredevil' type of programmes for adults, had the warning, "Don't try this at home!"  Who would put their hand in a pond with piranha?  Or down a waste disposal unit?  Who would squirt superglue into their mouth without a very good reason?  Name a very good reason to squirt superglue into your mouth?

Waking up on Thursday morning was a relief.  I was still here!  The glue had not stuck together my internal breathing apparatus, nor appeared to cause any untoward problems.  My teeth still felt a little odd, but the areas were patchy now.  Normality resumed.  The work was still on my desk when I arrived at the office!

Thursday ran into Friday, and I continued with the routine of swimming at lunchtime, then returning to work after an evening swim.  It did help with the concentration! The usual batch of phone calls from recorded solicitations continued, and I found out that if during their monologue, I sat and groaned, loudly into the mouthpiece, said monologue was cut short and they hung up!  I had been cutting them off for the most part, but a couple of times, I just felt like groaning!  

Dana and I went out for dinner on Friday.  We decided to treat ourselves after a long week.  It was very busy, but we found a space virtually outside the door.  After ordering, we started to dissect the week, but were interrupted by the Mariachi band.  We had forgotten about them!  The guitar on its own would have been good.  The cello like instrument, that is strummed like a guitar, would have been an acceptable accompaniment.  The violin player looked like he was in a different group, as he stood away from his colleagues and appeared to be playing a different tune altogether.  However, what is it that makes a Mariachi band a Mariachi band?  It is the trumpets!  In a close environment, one trumpet would make it impossible to hold a conversation.  There were two!  We laughed.  "Don't try this at home!" I could just imagine having our neighbours' soirees in my living room, with a brass band playing background music!

Our meal was most enjoyable, and the music did filter away into another room.  However, as we left the restaurant, the group had made their way out to the patio, and started to play, causing us both to jump in surprise.  "It is like Benidorm High Street", I said to Dana, as we left.  "Where?" he said, not being familiar with Spanish coastal towns!

Saturday was a busy day, but in a much more relaxed and enjoyable way.  Shopping consisted of the usual routine, and once finished, I went swimming again!  It was a very relaxing afternoon, and I fell asleep several times, despite an audience!  It rained for a while, and although the droplets were Texas style, there was no electricity, so I did not have to prove my 'lack of convention' again!  

My teeth appear to have lost the appetite for solvent, and they feel as if they are back to normal.  There have been no ill effects from the possible ingestion, nor from the drinking of milk from the carton!  The cut on my thumb has closed, and I feel as if I am quite healthy.  Will I learn from my lessons?  "Yeah, right!", I think is the modern vernacular!  

I went to the pool during the short shower on Sunday, and 'set up' my station under an umbrella, so my towel and bag did not get wet whilst I was in the water!  

There is a lot happening next week, and I am hoping to take it all in my stride.  I hope not to get 'jammed' into any corners, nor 'cut up' about anything, and I trust I will not need to glue together any broken fragments of my routine, such as it will be!  All will be revealed in ............ another story!